I know more than a few lawyers from the Midwest and Northeast who relate to this week’s Stu’s View cartoon:
Spring, anyone?
Reply
Category Archives: Humor
Top Ten signs your Supreme Court Justice is on the take
From last night’s show, David Letterman‘s Top Ten Signs that Your Supreme Court Justice Is On The Take:
10. Begins every case with, “We’ll start the bribing at ten thousand.”
9. His written opinions always have several mentions of the thirst-quenching taste of Mountain Dew.
8. Regularly convenes court at the dog track.
7. Asks, “Does either attorney plan on inviting me on any hunting trips?”
6. For a Supreme Court Justice he certainly is mentioned on “The Sopranos” a lot.
5. All the bling bling.
4. His last article in the “Law Journal” was about finding the right fence for your stolen goods.
3. When you have a meeting with him in chambers, frisks you for a wire.
2. He’s on the Forbes 500 List between Bill Gates and Oprah.
1. Already declared Bush the winner of the November election.
Which reminds me of this old trial lawyer joke:
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.
“So,” said the judge. “Each of you has presented me with a bribe.”
Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.
“You, attorney Mohanty, gave me $50,000,” observed the judge. “And you, attorney Venkat, gave me $60,000.”
The judge reached into his pocket, pulled out $10,000, and handed it to attorney Venkat.
“Now that I’m returning $10,000 to attorney Venkat,” exclaimed the judge proudly, “I’m going to decide this case solely on its merits!”
Dick Cheney, Comedian
The Daily Standard has the highlights of Vice President Dick Cheney‘s remarks at Saturday night’s annual Gridiron dinner in Washington. The ending of Vice-President Cheney’s remarks are absolutely appropriate and his other comments are clever, such as this one:
“Lots of familiar faces here tonight. I always feel a genuine bond whenever I see Senator Clinton. She’s the only person who’s the center of more conspiracy theories than I am.”
UT honors Dr. Denton Cooley
Dr. Denton Cooley is one of Houston’s many legendary doctors who have helped build the Texas Medical Center into one of the world’s great medical centers. Dr. Cooley founded The Texas Heart Institute at St. Luke’s Episcopal Hospital, and he performed the first successful heart transplant in the United States in 1968 and the first involving an artificial heart in 1969.
As Houston sportswriter Mickey Herskowitz writes in this column today, Dr. Cooley was a starting basketball player at the University of Texas at Austin in the late 1930’s, and UT is honoring Dr. Cooley by naming its new basketball practice facility after him. The entire column is worth reading, but this part is essential for all fans of legendary former UT football coach Darrell Royal:
Among the speakers in Austin the other night were Mack Brown and Rick Barnes, who coach the marquee men’s sports at UT. But the one who stole the show was Jody Conradt, the Hall of Famer who gave the Longhorns a national championship in women’s basketball.
“They built the Erwin Center 21 years ago,” she said, “and obviously it never occurred to anyone that the women would need a separate locker room. So every room in this place had urinals in it.
“Now we have one of our own. Before one of our games, coach Darrell Royal was kind enough to speak to my team. Before he left, someone asked what the biggest difference was between our locker room and all the ones he knew from all his years of coaching. Coach Royal said, `Offhand, I can’t remember anyone ironing anything before a game in one of our locker rooms.’ ”
Gore’s Revenge
Comedian Argus Hamilton is offering a strategy that would give Al Gore sweet revenge for Ralph Nader‘s costing him the 2000 Presidential election while guaranteeing that Mr. Nader wouldn’t collect enough Democratic votes to alter this year’s election outcome. “There’s only one way Al Gore can get even with Ralph Nader,” Mr. Hamilton advises. “He’s got to wait for the crucial moment in the campaign and then endorse him.”
Inside work with no heavy lifting
College students or those of you with college age children, you will want to read this this piece about a job that will interest more than a few college students.
Straightening out the jury
From the always insightful Stu’s Views:
“I blagged my way through . . .”
This London Telegraph story relates the hilarious story of an Oxford engineering student “blagging” his way through a series of lectures on global finance to Chinese business PhD students. The only problem was that the lectures were supposed to be given by a New York economics professor who happened to have the same name as the Oxford student. Ah, the inscrutable nature of economics!
Hey Prof, we may be stupid, but we can read
A Sul Ross State economics professor who criticized his students’ academic competence in an obscure magazine article was surprised to learn that his students (and the local townspeople) actually read the article.
Back from jury duty
I have returned to the office from jury duty, and I am happy to report that I did not traumatize any young attorneys during voir dire. Mike Mayes, Judge of the 410th District Court of Montgomery County, did a great job greeting the jurors and explaining the importance of citizen juries in our civil justice system. Mike is running for re-election in the Republican Primary, and is well-deserving of any Montgomery County citizen’s vote.