From last night’s show, David Letterman‘s Top Ten Signs that Your Supreme Court Justice Is On The Take:

10. Begins every case with, “We’ll start the bribing at ten thousand.”
9. His written opinions always have several mentions of the thirst-quenching taste of Mountain Dew.
8. Regularly convenes court at the dog track.
7. Asks, “Does either attorney plan on inviting me on any hunting trips?”
6. For a Supreme Court Justice he certainly is mentioned on “The Sopranos” a lot.
5. All the bling bling.
4. His last article in the “Law Journal” was about finding the right fence for your stolen goods.
3. When you have a meeting with him in chambers, frisks you for a wire.
2. He’s on the Forbes 500 List between Bill Gates and Oprah.
1. Already declared Bush the winner of the November election.

Which reminds me of this old trial lawyer joke:

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.
“So,” said the judge. “Each of you has presented me with a bribe.”
Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.
“You, attorney Mohanty, gave me $50,000,” observed the judge. “And you, attorney Venkat, gave me $60,000.”
The judge reached into his pocket, pulled out $10,000, and handed it to attorney Venkat.
“Now that I’m returning $10,000 to attorney Venkat,” exclaimed the judge proudly, “I’m going to decide this case solely on its merits!”