Who needs enemies? That’s what Nola.com’s James Gill is asking after sitting through U.S. District Judge G. Thomas Porteous, Jr.’s impeachment trial last week (previous post here). Several of the judge’s friends testified for the defense about how they would slip him some money on the side:

Several of those friends were in the habit of slipping Porteous money, and Turley decided to put one of them, Don Gardner, on the stand. That was asking for trouble too, and Gardner promptly provided it by admitting that a federal litigant, alarmed to discover that the other side had retained some friends of Porteous, paid him $100,000 as a counterbalance.

Gardner conceded that he was recruited for the case, although he lacked any relevant expertise, as "a pretty face, someone who knew the judge." He added that he could have pocketed an extra $100,000 by persuading Porteous to recuse himself, but made no attempt to do so, not wanting to be a "whore."

Senators probably did not agree that Gardner’s virtue was intact.

Which reminded me of one of the following joke about a crooked judge:

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

"So," said the judge. "Each of you has presented me with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

"You, attorney Mohanty, gave me $50,000," observed the judge. "And you, attorney Venkat, gave me $60,000."

The judge reached into his pocket, pulled out $10,000, and handed it to attorney Venkat.

"Now that I’ve returned $10,000 to attorney Venkat," exclaimed the judge proudly, "I’m going to decide this case solely on its merits!"