Category Archives: Humor

Bidg does it!

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biggioplunk4.gifThe Stros’ future Hall-of-Famer Craig Biggio set the modern Major League record for being hit by a pitch this afternoon in Denver during the Stros’ game against the Rockies.
The Rockies Byung-Hyun Kim nailed Bidg in the 4th inning, which was the record setting 268th time that Bidg has been hit by a pitch. Bidg replaces Don Baylor as MLB’s modern hit-by-pitch record holder.
The folks over at Plunk Biggio are going nuts. By the way, that blog has the best disclaimer that I have seen in the blogosphere:

Moral disclaimer: The author of this blog does not support or endorse intentionally throwing at Craig Biggio.

Don’t blame the secretary

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legal secretray.gifEarlier in my legal career, while managing a downtown Houston law firm for 20 years, I tried to foster collegial relationships between the attorneys and staff. In that connection, one of my steadfast rules for attorneys when something went wrong was the following: Don’t blame a secretary.
This article — which reports on the uproar over a senior associate at a major law firm requiring his secretary to pay for removal of a ketchup stain from his clothing — reflects the validity of my rule.
Hat tip to Brian Leiter for the link to the article.

The one and only Michael Jackson post

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michael-jackson.jpgDavid Letterman last night on the not guilty verdict in the Michael Jackson trial in Santa Maria, CA:

“This just in . . . Saddam Hussein wants his trial moved to Santa Maria, California.”

And from Jay Leno:

“This trial lasted 14 weeks. Do you realize that?s 6 weeks longer than average NBC sitcom?”

It’s vacation time!

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fiesta.jpgVia Google Maps, the picture on the left is the satellite view of the waterpark area of the Fiesta Texas Theme Park in San Antonio, which — of course — includes a Texas-shaped pool!
By the way, Fiesta Texas is directly adjacent to the Westin La Cantera Resort, which is one of the best resort properties in Texas. A part of one of the two La Cantera golf courses (the one on which the Texas Open is played) runs right next to the Rattler, one of the giant rollercoasters at Fiesta Texas.
Several years ago, my older brother Bud and I were playing a round at that La Cantera course with a club pro from East Texas. The club pro was not having a good round. After snap hooking one off the tee on the hole where you tee off right above — and within earshot of the screams emanating from — the Rattler, the club pro turned to Bud and me and said with utter exasperation:

“This sure as hell ain’t Augusta National.”

“Yeah, like really . . .”

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Paula Creamer.jpgThe youngest player to win an LPGA golf tournament in 50 years emerged yesterday as graduating high school student Paula Creamer won her first LPGA event at something called the Sybase Classic by sinking a clutch 20-foot birdie putt on the final hole.
For you fellow parents of teenage girls, I’m sure you can relate to Paula’s following answer to a question during her post-round interview:

Q: You said yesterday you were anxious. Did you just handle that much better today?
A: Yes, I think so. I called Colin, my caddie. We talk a lot, every day, and we talked to Lance about it, and just things to help me be not anxious and be calm and patient out there. And it worked well for a while. It’s funny, because on 17 I hit a pretty decent good shot and then Gloria hit it within two feet. And Lance was like, “Come on, you have to make this putt.” And I’m like, “Listen, you need to settle down, not me. We have a hole and a half to play. Come on.” It worked well.
There were times I tend to walk very fast when things are like on the last hole, 18, I was 50 yards in front of Lance. And Lance was screaming, “Paula, Paula, stop!” And I waited. And then we walked up. I just have to learn how to control it. The last putt, I was shaking because of nerves and just wanting to see what’s going to happen.

It’s only a matter of time before Dan Jenkins picks up on this material.

How about decaf?

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coffee.gifThis article confirms that regulation of drug use in professional sports is approaching Sarbones-Oxley levels of absurdity:

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) – The World Anti-Doping Agency will consider restoring caffeine to its list of banned substances after Australian Rugby Union captain George Gregan said he used it to enhance performance.
WADA director general David Howman said Wednesday that reports of Gregan and other Australian athletes using caffeine to boost performance were disturbing.
Gregan said Tuesday that he’d been using caffeine tablets before matches – with the knowledge and approval of Australian sports authorities – since caffeine was removed from WADA’s list of banned substances in January 2004.
He claimed the caffeine could improve performance by up to seven percent, citing research at the Australian Institute of Sport. But AIS director Peter Fricker said Gregan’s figures on caffeine were inflated, saying any boost would be “in the region of three per cent.”

Thank goodness there is no such proposed ban in regard to federal criminal trials.
Hat tip to Off Wing Opinion for the link.

Dan Jenkins on The Masters

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Chris Dimarco.jpgmasterstiger6.jpgRegular readers of this blog know that Dan Jenkins is my favorite golf writer, bar none. Mr. Jenkins still covers each golf major tournament for Golf Digest magazine, and his article (not yet online) on this year’s Master’s tournament appears in the current (June) Golf Digest issue. In the article, here’s how Mr. Jenkins describes the unconventional putting grip of Chris DiMarco, who engaged in a spirited battle with Tiger Woods before losing to Woods in a playoff:

“[A] putting grip that looks like he’s trying to change a tire or open a contrary bottle of wine.”

Equally as priceless is Mr. Jenkins’ description of the “green jacket” ceremony, in which – keeping with tradition – defending Master’s champion Phil Mickelson helped Woods into his fourth green jacket signifying his latest Master’s victory:

Speaking of a moment that lacked warmth, how about Phil as the defending champion giving Tiger the green jacket after it was over? They had gone 0-2 together in the Ryder Cup last fall, lowlighted by Phil putting Tiger up against a fence with his drive in the alternate shot [match]. So as Phil eased Tiger into his jacket, I could swear I heard Tiger say,

“Nice going, Phil, you hit my shoulders.”

Did you remember the Doctor’s note?

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Doctor's Note1.gifMichael Alcott was charged with bank fraud in September 2004 relating to a $2.5 million line of credit for his now defunct employment placement firm. The indictment alleges that he submitted a fraudulent audit opinion to the bank on the letterhead of a local auditing firm with the name of a fake partner.
Nevertheless, Mr. Alcott was free on bail pending trial. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. Alcott submitted a letter to the court in his case from a doctor at Masschusetts General Hospital. The doctor’s note stated that Mr. Alcott was being treated at the hospital for terminal cancer.
Yesterday, Mr. Alcott was arrested pending trial because the letter is a fake and he is not suffering from cancer.
H’mm, I don’t think Mr. Alcott should testify at his upcoming trial on that fake audit opinion. ;^)
Hat tip to the White Collar Prof Blog for the link.

The Cream reunion concert

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cream.jpg61 year old Bass player Jack Bruce has had a liver transplant and 65 year old drummer Ginger Baker suffers from arthritis, but Eric Clapton’s first big rock group — Cream (you know, Sunshine of Your Love, Badge, White Room, etc)– lives on.
Craig Newmark points us to Fark.com‘s comment on this article about the reunion concert of the 1960’s rock band:

Cream reunites in concert. For those of you under 40: Cream was Eric Clapton’s old band. Under 30: Clapton was once a big rock star. And for you under 20: Rock was a kind of music they used to play on the radio.

And don’t miss Banjo Jones’ musings on what happened to Cream after Clapton heard The Band.

San Antonio imitates California

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roadwarrior.jpgOne would normally not be all that surprised by reading this following news report coming out of California, but San Antonio?:

‘Mad Max’ Fan Convoy Ends in Arrests
SAN ANTONIO – Eleven “Mad Max” fans were arrested after alarming motorists as they made their way to a movie marathon in a theatrical convoy in which they surrounded a tanker truck armed with fake machine guns.
As the group was headed to San Antonio from nearby from Boerne on Saturday morning, police received several calls from motorists who reported a “militia” surrounding a tanker truck, a police report states.
Police charged nine people with obstruction of a highway and two others with possession of prohibited knives in addition to obstruction of a highway.
One of the organizers of the convoy, Chris Fenner, said the arrests were unfair. He said he didn’t know why anyone would have confused the costumed crew recreating a scene from “Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior” – set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland – with a real threat.
“I honestly don’t know how that could be, because ‘Road Warrior’ was so over the top,” he said.
About 25 people participated in the convoy and more than twice that number were expected to attend the movie marathon, which was canceled after the arrests.

A reader reminds me that this event would not have made the news in California because it would not have been considered particularly unusual and certainly no one would have been arrested. ;^)