Posted by Tom at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) |

July 10, 2010

A tough adversary

Posted by Tom at 8:21 AM | Comments (0) |

July 8, 2010

Chippendales

An SNL classic.

Posted by Tom at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) |

June 17, 2010

Michael Shermer on Self-Deception

Stick with this interesting lecture to the end.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 10, 2010

Are you an Asker or a Guesser?

According to Andrea Donderi, as described here by The Guardian�s Oliver Burkeman, it depends on the culture in which you were raised:

We are raised, the theory runs, in one of two cultures.

In Ask culture, people grow up believing they can ask for anything � a favour, a pay rise� fully realising the answer may be no.

In Guess culture, by contrast, you avoid "putting a request into words unless you're pretty sure the answer will be yes� A key skill is putting out delicate feelers. If you do this with enough subtlety, you won't have to make the request directly; you'll get an offer. Even then, the offer may be genuine or pro forma; it takes yet more skill and delicacy to discern whether you should accept."

Neither's "wrong", but when an Asker meets a Guesser, unpleasantness results. An Asker won't think it's rude to request two weeks in your spare room, but a Guess culture person will hear it as presumptuous and resent the agony involved in saying no.  .   .   .

This is a spectrum, not a dichotomy, and it explains cross-cultural awkwardnesses, too. Brits and Americans get discombobulated doing business in Japan, because it's a Guess culture, yet experience Russians as rude, because they're diehard Askers.

Applying this to legal education, my sense is that law schools try to develop Askers into trial lawyers, while the die-hard Guessers among law students probably gravitate toward non-litigation areas. Off hand, I cannot recall in my experience a particularly effective litigator who was anything other than an Asker. On the other hand, I know a number of good deal lawyers who are Guessers. What do you think?

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

May 16, 2010

What would Mao Zedong say?

Posted by Tom at 12:00 AM | Comments (1) |

April 30, 2010

Cleese on how to irritate people

You think the TSA is irritating? John Cleese provides a lesson on how to really irritate people.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

April 25, 2010

Top Ten Goldman Sachs Excuses

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

April 22, 2010

It wasn’t Lidge’s fault after all

I always thought that it was Brad Lidge�s fault that Albert Pujols in Game Six of the 2005 NLCS caused Houstonians to endure memories of these sporting disasters again.

But now, former Stros 3B Morgan Ensberg reveals that it was all really the fault of an optical illusion at Minute Maid Park (H/T John Royal).

Who knew?

By the way, check out the 2005 list of the Stros top ten prospects.

No wonder the local club is struggling.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

April 17, 2010

Rickles roasts Governor Reagan

When Don Rickles got on a roll, he was very, very funny.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

April 10, 2010

Shawshank Tiger

What was Nike thinking?

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (6) |

April 3, 2010

Could this persuade the Aggies to consider female cheerleaders?

The yell leaders could have some fun with this.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

April 2, 2010

Austin’s Carpie

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March 27, 2010

Don’t play this guy

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

March 20, 2010

I’d like one of these

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

March 18, 2010

Two fun how-to videos

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March 14, 2010

50 Impressions in 50 Seconds

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March 6, 2010

Colbert’s interview of Shaun White at the Olympics

"How much of your hair is Red Bull?"

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

March 4, 2010

Mel Gibson in Wiggly Piggly

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

March 1, 2010

The Code

If this Larry Getlen/NY Post review of Jason Turbow and Michael Duca's new book The Baseball Codes: Beanballs, Sign Stealing, and Bench-Clearing Brawls: The Unwritten Rules of America's Pastime (Pantheon March 9, 2010) doesn�t get you in the mood for Major League Spring Training and the upcoming MLB season, then nothing will:

Unbeknownst to most outsiders, all aspects of baseball � from hitting, pitching, and baserunning to dealing with management and the media � are governed by the Code, a complex series of unwritten rules that have evolved since baseball's earliest days.

This Code, which the authors describe as "less strategic than moral," includes behavioral rules for common baseball situations; the punishment for flouting those rules; and the "omerta" that ballplayers must never, ever, discuss the rules of the Code outside the clubhouse. [.   .   .]

* Cardinal great Bob Gibson believed that the Code entitled him to knock down any batter who bested him with a grand slam. So when the Chicago Cubs Pete LaCock did just that, Gibson felt he owed him one � unfortunately, the homer came during Gibson's final game. Gibson finally took his revenge 15 years later, plugging LaCock in the back during an Old Timers Game.

* When the Yankees took on the Angels in 1987, the announcers discussed how Angels pitcher Don Sutton was scuffing the ball. Yankee owner George Steinbrenner, hearing this on TV, called Yankee manager Lou Piniella in a rage, demanding that the umpires inspect Sutton's glove. Piniella had to explain to the Boss, "The guy who taught Don everything he knows about cheating is pitching for us tonight. Want me to get Tommy John thrown out too?"

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 28, 2010

Cutting up at the Mayo Clinic

I never knew that the lobby of the Mayo Clinic could be such an entertaining place.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 21, 2010

Not in this weather

Mercedes-Benz contributes to the ongoing series of posts on creative commercials. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 20, 2010

Rice rejects Hitler

Uh, oh. Hitler isn�t pleased that Rice University rejected his application for graduate school in philosophy. As Brian Leiter notes, the rejection must have been a result of that Stalin recommendation.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 11, 2010

Lifestyle Nutritionists

In this clever sketch, That Mitchell and Webb Look channel the mentality behind the legislation discussed in yesterday�s post.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 3, 2010

How to complete a census

2010 is a census year, so it�s a good time to recall one of the best Saturday Night Live skits ever, Christopher Walken answering a census taker�s questions. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

January 30, 2010

At one time, the NY Times was an interesting place to work

From Big Think, Guy Talese wonders how on earth he and his co-workers at the New York Times ever got the paper to publication:

Posted by Tom at 12:00 AM | Comments (2) |

January 22, 2010

Sharp cheddar

In our continuing series of splendidly creative commercials, check out this one for Norm�s Cheddar (H/T Bill Hesson):

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

January 13, 2010

Game, Set, Match -- Houston

O.K., so the Cowboys are doing alright so far in this season�s NFL playoffs and the Texans, as usual, are in their annual �wait until next season� mode.

But there are other areas in which Houston simply throttles Dallas, hands down.

For example, in connection with its mandate to promote Houston, the Greater Houston Convention and Visitor�s Bureau released the video below late last year. Featuring the edgy local band The TonTons, the video does a very nice job of providing an attractive introduction to Houston:

But I didn�t realize just how good the GHCVB�s video was until I came across the abominable video below that the City of Dallas recently produced for the Professional Convention Management Association:

Key tip to Dallas � you are trying way too hard.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

January 10, 2010

Homer Simpson’s Top Ten List

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

January 9, 2010

John Oliver visits Las Vegas

The Daily Show's crack British correspondent, John Oliver, tells Jimmy Fallon about his first visit to Las Vegas and his first time shooting a rifle. And below that is an hilarious and surprisingly insightful recent report by Oliver from The Daily Show. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:00 AM | Comments (2) |

December 27, 2009

Accord Perfection

In the continuing series of remarkable commercials, Honda chips in.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas from the Family

It wouldn't be Christmas in Texas without taking a moment to listen to Texas singer-songwriter and Houston native Robert Earl Keen's classic Texas Christmas carol and video, Merry Christmas from the Family Keen is playing the House of Blues at 8 p.m. on Monday.

Have a restful, joyous and safe holiday!

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

December 13, 2009

Beauty is nothing without brains

Below is another in the continuing series of commercials that represent some of the most creative product on television.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

December 5, 2009

Opera Krispies

As noted several times over the years, some of the most creative product generated for television are commercials. And as this Rice Krispies commercial from the 1960's reflects, creativity in commercials is not a new phenomena.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 7, 2009

Customer service

Robert Duvall -- in his classic role of former Texas Ranger Gus McCrae in Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove -- reminds a bartender the importance of good customer service.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

November 6, 2009

Dylan does Christmas

Andrew Ferguson is not impressed with Bob Dylan or his new Christmas CD:

The production and packaging are professional. The band is competent in a midnight-at-the-Nashville Hyatt sort of way--maybe a little heavy on the tremolo but still. And the songs themselves are fine, of course. The arrangements, though, are jarringly slick, with sleigh bells and gossamer strings and cooing girl singers--as if Dylan had chosen to lift the backing tracks from an Andy Williams Christmas special circa 1968. Oozing just beneath his asthmatic croak, the arrangements give an effect of overwhelming creepiness. His voice gets worse with every track. You wonder whether someone left the karaoke machine on in the emphysema ward at the old folks' home. He doesn't sing notes so much as make exhausted gestures in their general direction, until at a break he falls silent and is rescued by the backup singers, who reestablish the melody in the proper key. But then he starts singing again.

Yeah well, maybe ol' Bob blew the Christmas CD. But even at the age of 50 in the video below from almost 20 years ago, Dylan could still rock with the best of them -- Roger McGuinn, Tom Petty, Neil Young, Eric Clapton and the late George Harrison. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

October 31, 2009

Jonathon Winters' Stick

Before Robin Williams and Jim Carrey, there was Jonathon Winters. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 28, 2009

The Prisoner's Dilemma

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 25, 2009

Chris Rock provides key advice

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 23, 2009

Looping for Legends

Mark over at the Kaddy's Korner provides this interesting post about his experience in filling in as Tom Watson's caddy during the Champions Tour's Administaff Open at the Tournament Course in The Woodlands last weekend. Mark concludes his post in the following manner about spending a week with a legend:

Growing up, most of my heroes were baseball players, and I might be too old for a new one, but I think I found one.

During the week, I watched one of the top-10 golfers of all time practice his trade. Most guys work into their practice routine slowly with their wedges first, but Tom started warming up each day with a 3-iron, and none of them sounded clunky. He made sure he acknowledged all the fans, sincerely understanding what they do for the game. He walked through the crowds gazing into their eyes, waving, and none of it was forced. Most guys work up a strained smile and a nod.

There were only two people at the tournament who gathered a larger following: Arnold Palmer and former President George H. W. Bush. That’s not bad company.

Which reminds me of the classic video below of Bill Murray hilariously describing the experience of looping a round with another legend. Hint -- he was very well compensated ;^):

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 20, 2009

Kramer's Entrances

Every single Kramer entrance from Seinfeld, in chronological order, in a little over six minutes. Enjoy!

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 18, 2009

Colbert on the Stock Market

Colbert was on fire this week.

Posted by Tom at 8:17 PM | Comments (0) |

October 17, 2009

Colbert: Bend it Like Beck

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 6, 2009

Chris Rock on Roman Polanski, Michael Vick and dogs

Posted by Tom at 12:01 PM | Comments (1) |

September 5, 2009

Crunchy excellence

Continuing on the thread of creative advertising, check out this brilliant series of Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials by McCann Erickson/Campbell Mithun.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

September 4, 2009

A great interview

Anything that happens in U.S. Open tennis over the Labor Day weekend is unlikely to match this hilarious post-match interview of Andy Roddick during the 2007 Australian Open after Roger Federer had defeated him in particularly dominating style.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 29, 2009

The Five Minute University

Food for thought from Father Guido Sarducci to collegians starting the new school year.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 24, 2009

The evolution of primary care

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 23, 2009

Mathemagic

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 20, 2009

A Texas original

Given the achievement of covering his 200th major golf tournament at the U.S. Open this past June, Clear Thinkers favorite and fellow Texan Dan Jenkins has been making the interview rounds and it has been a rollicking good time.

Last week at the PGA Tournament (Jenkins' 201st major tournament), the PGA presented Jenkins to the press corps one afternoon and the interview session ended up being the most entertaining of the week. Here are a few snippets:

"It's been a great geographic trip, because I got to cover the dominant player in the world from Texas [Ben Hogan] and then the one from Pennsylvania [Arnold Palmer] and then the one from Ohio [Jack Nicklaus], the one from Missouri [Tom Watson] and the one from Spain [Seve Ballesteros], and now a guy from California [Tiger Woods]. Pretty good geographic journey."

Recalling an anecdote from an Atlanta hotel that Jenkins stayed in while covering a tournament:

Jenkins: "What exactly is the name of the property we're staying in?"

Julius Mason, a Jenkins friend: "It's the Sheraton Four Points."

Jenkins: "Four points out of 10? No air conditioning, no ice, no TV, no phone. It was a grand slam."

On his future:

Question: "How long are you going to keep doing this?"

Jenkins: "I'm not qualified to do anything else. So I'll be here until they carry me out and the message on my tombstone will be 'I knew this would happen.'"

On his two passions, golf and college football:

"Hey, golf is fun. It's beautiful. It's elite. It's gorgeous and all those things. But college football -- it's important. People live and die for that sport."

And, as noted earlier here, the 79 year-old Jenkins has taken to Twitter like a fish to water. Here are a few of his twit gems from last weekend's PGA:

"Tiger three-putts for bogey. Still gets standing ovation."

"Tiger throws grass in the air on the fifth fairway. Gets another standing ovation."

On Vijay Singh's 3rd round putting woes:

"Vijay putted today like your member-guest partner. The partner you don't invite back."

"I see 'Squeaky' Fromme was let out of prison Friday. Maybe the Eagles will sign her."

"Female mixed martial arts seems to be catching on. Some of my friends believe they might have been married to a couple of them."

"I just noticed I'm closing in on 4,500 [Twitter] followers. My daughter says, 'Great, Dad. Still two million behind Britney Spears.'"

On Irishman Padrig Harrington's quintuple bogey 8 that took him out of contention on the final day:

"The Irish do love funerals."

On South Korean Y.E. Yang's victory in the PGA:

"After conquering the LPGA Tour, the South Koreans have now set their sights on the men. And after all we've done for them."

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 12, 2009

Colbert does Julie & Julia

The crack about "certainly there was something they haven't deep-fat fried yet" is an instant classic.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 4, 2009

I thought Ghostbusters seemed familiar

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (3) |

August 3, 2009

Unintended Consequences

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 1, 2009

While we're on this whole police arrogance problem

Posted by Tom at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) |

July 31, 2009

�Is it not like hiring a personal trainer who is morbidly obese?�

Has there ever been a Treasury Secretary who has been an easier target than Timothy Geithner?

Posted by Tom at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) |

July 30, 2009

At least police arrogance isn't solely an American problem

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

July 20, 2009

"Somebody gave him the steal sign"

If you haven't already seen it, then don't miss Jon Stewart's classic destruction of the fawning treatment that former Phillies and Mets outfielder Lenny Dykstra received from several financial media outlets over the past several years in regard to his supposedly magical investment strategies. Ryan Chittum summarizes the media outlets' attraction in Dykstra's case to glitz over substance. Another reminder that the "too good to be true" rule is an important one to embrace when evaluating investment alternatives.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

July 11, 2009

A Meeting with the Pope

Richard Z. Chesnoff is one of America's foremost commentators on Middle Eastern affairs (see prior posts here). And he tells a pretty darn good joke, too. From the magnificent Old Jews Telling Jokes:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

July 6, 2009

The Homeopathic ER

An instant classic from That Mitchell and Webb Look (H/T Kevin, M.D.). Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

July 5, 2009

First, Henry VIII, then this

A rather odd postlude from Trinity Wall Street Episcopal Church. H/T J.D. Walt from The Firstborn Son :

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 29, 2009

Levity to start the week

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 28, 2009

Classic Buddy Hackett

The video of Ed McMahon and Johnny Carson posted earlier this week reminded me of this classic joke that the late Buddy Hackett told and acted out on the Tonight Show years ago. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 26, 2009

Old Jews telling jokes is back

After a short break, one of the best new websites of the year -- Old Jews Telling Jokes -- is back with a new round of jokes. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

June 25, 2009

Ed McMahon, R.I.P.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 22, 2009

Jenkins @ the Open

With the 2009 U.S. Open that is finishing today, Clear Thinkers favorite Dan Jenkins is covering his 200th major golf tournament. In one of the more remarkable developments of the tournament, the 79 year-old Jenkins has been reporting on developments through Twitter, where he has proved to be a natural (one of his recent posts: "If David Duval wins this thing, it'll be the biggest comeback from a slump since Mickey Rourke got nominated for an Oscar"). Below is a recent HBO interview of Jenkins talking about his friend Ben Hogan, who was the master of the U.S. Open during the late 1940's and early 50's. Enjoy a true Texas original reminiscing about another one:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 19, 2009

How to make the U.S. Open telecast more exciting

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 16, 2009

A small Austin brokerage house schools the big banks

Tongues were wagging in financial circles around the world last week regarding this Wall Street Journal article about Austin-based Amherst Holdings' amazing play in which they sold credit default swaps on mortgage bonds to a number of Wall Street and London's biggest banks. Amherst then turned around and bought the mortgages underlying the bonds upon which the CDS were written to prevent a default that would have triggered Amherst's obligation to pay on the CDS.

Thus, in short, Amherst sold CDS on bonds and then bought the security for the bonds, thereby rendering the CDS worthless. Although the amount of profit is somewhat unclear, Amherst reportedly pocketed tens of millions of dollars on the deal.

The Financial Times' economist Willem Buiter does an entertaining job of explaining Amherst's transactional plan in the context of gambling and the difficulties involved in regulating such transactions. In so doing, he makes the following observation:

"The scheme is beautiful in its simplicity, absolutely outrageous, quite unethical, deeply deceptive and duplicitous, indeed quite immoral, but apparently legal."

Geez, maybe these Amherst sharpies could have saved AIG?

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (4) |

June 14, 2009

Lucy and Ethel in Iowa City

While reminiscing about my late mother with family members and friends at her recent funeral, it occurred to me that her remarkable life would be a great subject for a Larry McMurtry novel.

Along those lines, Sarah Swisher, an old family friend and a columnist for the Iowa City Press-Citizen, penned this column regarding an hilarious caper from the early 1960's involving my mother and Sarah's mother, who were dear friends. What started out as an attempt to create a plot for an Alfred Hitchcock movie quickly transformed into an episode of I Love Lucy with a touch of The  Honeymooners.

You really can't make this stuff up.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

June 13, 2009

The Stand-up Economist on the Financial Crisis

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 11, 2009

The genius of Richard Pryor

This fine Stephan Kanfer/City Journal piece on the late Richard Pryor reminded me of this old Saturday Night Live skit entitled "Word Association." Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 7, 2009

Bud Light's latest

As noted earlier here and here, commercials continue to provide some of the most creative entertainment on television. Check out Bud Light's latest:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

May 31, 2009

A Brit visits Texas

A friend of mine from London, on his first visit to Houston, candidly admitted that he was surprised that there were so many trees and no sagebrush or sandstorms. One can only imagine the similar misperceptions that this BBC video (H/T Professor Bainbridge) has created in English minds:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

May 30, 2009

Tea Party

As noted in this earlier post, some of the most creative work on television these days is being done in commercials.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

May 28, 2009

"The Hospital"

From one of the best new websites of the past year, Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

May 26, 2009

There is no crying in baseball

With the passing of Memorial Day, it's officially baseball season, even though the dang NBA Playoffs seem endless. Thus, it's time for Tom Hanks as exasperated Manager Jimmy Dugan to remind us of the best baseball tirade in cinematic history. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

May 24, 2009

What's better? The goal or the call?

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

May 17, 2009

Kevin Spacey is very good at impersonations

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

May 8, 2009

Mostly for Trekkies

With the latest Star Trek movie opening this weekend, you may want to pass the following video of an old William Shatner Saturday Night Life sketch along to your Trekkie friends. Be sure to watch through the end.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (3) |

May 7, 2009

Jenkins returns to Sawgrass

Clear Thinkers favorites Dan Jenkins, the dean of American golf writers, is making his first trek to TPC Sawgrass in a decade this week to cover my favorite tournament, The Players (which includes the always fun video of the 17th hole).

Geoff Shackelford scores this interview with Jenkins (which is a follow-up on this one from last year), and it is clear that Jenkins is already in mid-season form. The first part of the answer below is from last year's interview, the second from this year's:

The men's tour sucks. Everybody drives it 340 and shoots 63. I've never heard of half their names, and don't care to know them until they get back to me with two majors.

My fee for talking to Tiger Woods is going up every day. I've tried for 10 years to get a one-on-one with him---and can't. Why? Because Mark Steinberg says, "We have nothing to gain."

Can you imagine what the men's tour would look like if Tiger and Phil both suffered career-ending injuries? I'll tell you. It would look like what it looks like today when they aren't in the field. It would increase interest in polo.

.   .   .[I]in my declining years, I have arrived at the point where I don't give a damn about anything but the four majors and the Ryder Cup. They are important. The regular tour sucks.

I should mention that the regular tour didn't used to suck. It used to be quite glamorous, when the LA Open was always first, when the Crosby was the Crosby, when the players wore snappy clothes and movie stars hung around them, when the Florida swing had its own charm, same for Texas, and so on. But mainly when every winner was SOMEBODY.

I live in the past. It was a better world.

No doubt that more than a few of the folks attending the tournament this week will, at least part of the time, be enjoying Jenkins' classic “Mankind’s 10 Stages of Drunkenness” from his 1981 novel, Baja Oklahoma:

0) Sober

1) Witty and Charming

2) Rich and Powerful

3) Benevolent

4) Clairvoyant

5) F**k Dinner

6) Patriotic

7) Crank Up the Enola Gay

8) Witty and Charming, Part II

9) Invisible

10) Bulletproof

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (3) |

May 5, 2009

If the Rockets can shoot like this, then they may just beat the Lakers

Posted by Tom at 1:19 AM | Comments (0) |

May 4, 2009

Princess Leia can roast with the best of them

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

May 3, 2009

The Butcher vs. The Oilman

Daniel Day-Lewis as Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York has a discussion with Daniel Day-Lewis as Daniel Plainview of There Will Be Blood.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

May 2, 2009

Heineken's Walk-in Cooler

Following up on this earlier post, isn't it interesting that some of the most creative product on television these days is in commercials?

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

April 21, 2009

The Latest Gaffigan

Posted by Tom at 10:18 PM | Comments (0) |

April 19, 2009

Hayes Carll "She Left Me for Jesus"

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

April 17, 2009

This Church has something for you

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

April 12, 2009

Colbert defends Christ

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

April 4, 2009

"Steve Earle" by Sugarland

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

March 9, 2009

The real reason why the Texans re-signed David Anderson

I don't keep up on the market in the NFL for back-up wide receivers, but I was still surprised last week when the Texans matched Denver's $4.5 million offer (including a cool $1 million up front) to restricted free agent David Anderson.

$4.5 million for a back-up wide receiver and special teams guy? Really?

But now I know the real reason that the Texans re-signed Anderson -- he keeps the other players loose in the locker room. And based on the video below, he is well worth the $4.5 million. Check out Anderson's imitation of ESPN's NFL Gameday analyst Ron Jaworski. Absolutely spot on.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

March 7, 2009

Conan O'Brien's Greatest Guest Moments

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

March 6, 2009

Insightful thoughts to close the week

Writing in 1951 about popular attitudes toward income inequality in "The Ethics of Redistribution," Bertrand de Jouvenel observed the following (H/T WSJ):

The film-star or the crooner is not grudged the income that is grudged to the oil magnate, because the people appreciate the entertainer's accomplishment and not the entrepreneur's, and because the former's personality is liked and the latter's is not. They feel that consumption of the entertainer's income is itself an entertainment, while the capitalist's is not, and somehow think that what the entertainer enjoys is deliberately given by them while the capitalist's income is somehow filched from them.

In arguably the best financial blog post to date in 2009, the Epicurean Dealmaker analyzes the skewed dynamics that led to the Merrill Lynch high-level executive bonus pool and observes, among other things:

It would not be outlandish to consider the Merrill executives' bonus pool as the latest and largest campaign gift toward Mr. [Andrew] Cuomo's 2010 gubernatorial run.

Meanwhile, Andrew Morris wrote the following in a letter to the WSJ editor (H/T Don Boudreaux):

At first, when I read your headline “States give gambling a closer look” (Mar. 3) I thought you were reporting on yet another “stimulus” or “bailout” bill in which politicians played games of chance with taxpayers’ money. Hardly news -- just another “dog bites man” story.

Then I realized it was just a story about allowing ordinary people to risk their own money  --  now that’s a “man bites dog” story!

Along the same lines, the WSJ's Notable and Quotable series provided the following excerpt from Friedrich A. Hayek's "The Constitution of Liberty" (1960) on the illusory nature of progressive taxation and large increases in governmental spending:

Not only is the revenue derived from the high rates levied on large incomes, particularly in the highest brackets, so small compared with the total revenue as to make hardly any difference to the burden borne by the rest; but for a long time . . . it was not the poorest who benefited from it but entirely the better-off working class and the lower strata of the middle class who provided the largest number of voters.

It would probably be true, on the other hand, to say that the illusion that by means of progressive taxation the burden can be shifted substantially onto the shoulders of the wealthy has been the chief reason why taxation has increased as fast as it has done and that, under the influence of this illusion, the masses have come to accept a much heavier load than they would have done otherwise. The only major result of the policy has been the severe limitation of the incomes that could be earned by the most successful and thereby gratification of the envy of the less-well-off.

And Jason Kottke noted the technological irony of the week:

Now you can go to the iTunes Store to buy the Kindle app from Amazon that lets you read ebooks made for the Kindle device on the iPhone.

Finally, legendary Houston trial lawyer Joe Jamail passes along this anecdote about the late, great Houston criminal defense lawyer, Percy Foreman:

In the early 1980s, Jamail represented his courtroom idol, Houston criminal defense attorney Percy Foreman, whose neck was injured when his car was rear-ended by a commercial truck. On direct examination, Foreman testified that he had not experienced any neck problems before the accident, and that he was entitled to $75,000 for lost income due to the injury.

But on cross-examination, the defense revealed that Foreman had been hospitalized nine times for neck problems prior to this accident.

“The jury looked at me, expecting me to give them an answer,” says Jamail. “So I told them that Percy had been a great lawyer throughout his life, but that he was now just an old man and was growing senile.”

At that moment, Foreman jumped up and yelled out across the courtroom, “You goddamned son of a bitch!”

“See what I mean,” Jamail immediately told jurors. “He doesn’t even know where he is right now.”

The jury awarded Foreman the sum of $75,004. Jamail says he never figured out why the extra $4.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 27, 2009

He's back

Tiger Woods returned from major knee surgery to make his first appearance of the PGA Tour season this week, although Tim Clark made it a brief initial appearance.

Meanwhile, Woods' major sponsor Nike rolled out this commercial to celebrate Woods' return. It continues the trend of commercials representing some of the most creative product on television. Watch through the end and enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 21, 2009

Quotes of the Week

Emanuel Derman:

"The market wants Churchill and they keep tossing it Chamberlains."

John Nash (via David Henderson) on his progress out of mental illness in the late 1980's:

"Then gradually I began to intellectually reject some of the delusionally influenced lines of thinking which had been characteristic of my orientation. This began, most recognizably, with the rejection of politically-oriented thinking as essentially a hopeless waste of intellectual effort."

Dick Armey:

"In reality, no one spends someone else's money better than they spend their own. The charade of the current stimulus package, chockablock with earmarks to favored pet constituencies and virtually devoid of national policy considerations, is the logical consequence of Keynesianism in action. It is about politics and power, not sound economics, and I believe that the American people will reject it."

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 13, 2009

Can't the NY Times get anything right?

Posted by Tom at 12:00 AM | Comments (0) |

February 12, 2009

What Not to Wear, PGA Tour-style

Golf Digest fashion director Marty Hackel takes Phil Mickelson to task for wearing a white belt with his otherwise all-black oufit at the PGA Tour stop last weekend at Torrey Pines in San Diego:

OK, I have had a look at it and it's not ideal. You are correct in that if you wear a white belt and have a big waist you should select trousers that have less contrast.

White belts are fine, but, and this is a big BUT, if your waist is big, DO NOT HAVE CONTRAST. The white belt with the black trousers called your eye and attention on his waist. Save the white belt for beige trousers and a white golf shirt!!

Golf Digest writer John Strege observes that Mickelson�s outfit might spur a new fashion rule:

One press tent wag suggested a Rule 32 apply, that if you're older than 32 or have a waist size larger than 32 you should not wear a white belt.

Meanwhile, while enduring less encouraging news about professional athletes, take a moment to check out this nice story about PGA Tour veteran J.P. Hayes, who is finding a welcome market for sponsor�s exemptions into Tour events after he disqualified himself over a technical rules violation during the PGA Tour Q-School last fall.

Sometimes, good guys really do win.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 7, 2009

A good partner is hard to find

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

February 6, 2009

What the Tour players really think

Golf Digest is running in this month's issue the results of an interesting survey that the magazine recently took of 25 of the top PGA Tour players.

Clear Thinkers favorite and longtime Houstonian Steve Elkington scores highly in one of the most important questions:

WHO'S THE BEST JOKE-TELLER ON TOUR?
Todd Hamilton: 17%
Steve Elkington: 13%
Harrison Frazar: 8%
Neal Lancaster: 8%
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Paul Azinger, Rich Beem, Tim Clark, Carlos Franco, Paul Goydos, Peter Jacobsen, Peter Lonard, Nick Price, Chris Riley, Boo Weekley

And you have to like the answers to the question "Who would you rather have dinner with, Phil Mickelson or Vijay Singh?"

Phil: 50%
Vijay: 50%
COMMENTS: "What are we eating?" ... "So either I listen to Phil tell me everything he thinks he knows, or I sit with Vijay while he says nothing." ... "Give me a choice!"

Moreover, in response to the "What's the worst course you play on Tour?" question, La Cantera in San Antonio was the runaway winner (good thing that tournament is moving to a new course next year), while the Shell Houston Open's Tournament Course at Redstone is one of a half-dozen courses in the "Others Receiving Votes" category for that question. That will go over like a lead balloon at Houston Golf Association's offices.

But my favorite answer came in the "Others Receiving Votes" category to the question "Who's the Slowest Player on Tour?"

"Any Swede."

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

February 1, 2009

A solid Super Bowl Ad

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

January 22, 2009

You won't see this at the local Metro Light Rail station

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

January 17, 2009

Hayes Carll on the Battle of Crystal Beach

Clear Thinkers favorite Hayes Carll sings "I Got a Gig" and tells the humorous story about about his first gigs in Crystal Beach, Texas.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

January 14, 2009

Fascinating trend

Following on this earlier post, isn't it interesting that companies selling alcoholic beverages are funding some of the most creative product on television?

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

January 11, 2009

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas from the Family

Back by popular demand is Texas singer-songwriter and Houston native Robert Earl Keen's classic Texas Christmas carol and video, Merry Christmas from the Family. Keen will be playing Houston's House of Blues on Sunday the 28th.

Happy holidays and thanks for reading HCT!

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

December 19, 2008

Wallstrip does Cramer on Wall Street

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM |

December 12, 2008

Get inspired

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

December 7, 2008

What is this blithering 90-degree rule?

When it comes to playing golf, I'm decidedly old school. Weather permitting, I prefer to walk while playing, which puts me in a decided minority among American golfers, most of whom prefer to ride in a motorized cart.

Golfweek's British columnist Alistar Tait also prefers to walk, as do most golfers in the United Kingdom, where motorized carts are a rarity. Tait has just returned to the U.K. from his annual golfing trip to the U.S. and he weighs in with this clever article (entitled "Annoyed with America") in which he lists the "peculiarities" of playing golf in the U.S.

He includes one of my favorite cart-riding absurdities -- the 90-degree rule -- which requires that you drive on the cart path until you are 90 degrees from your ball, then drive to your ball from the cart path, hit your shot, and then return on your 90 degree path to the cart path, where you proceed to 90 degrees from your shot landed. Tait notes:

The 90-degree rule – Tell a British golfer that the 90-degree rule is in effect and you’ll get a blank look. Since we don’t have carts and paths, there’s no need for a rule that says you drive on the cart path adjacent to your ball and then turn 90 degrees to your ball.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

December 4, 2008

Reflections on Mumbai

Jonathan Ehrlich is a Vancouver businessman who was in one of the hotels that was attacked last week in Mumbai. Take a few minutes to listen to his harrowing story and to read the email (under the fold below) that he sent to his family members and friends during his trip home after the attack. A good example of the fighting spirit that is needed to win this battle.

And don't miss this spot-on analysis of the Mumbai attacks by John Stewart and John Oliver:

Hey guys.

       Got all your notes. Thank you. I'm ok. A little shaky to be honest but really just happy to be here. I can't thank you enough for your notes.

       You have no idea what the mean to me. Hope to see and speak to you all soon.

       I wrote the following on the plane.

       It's 3.33 am Thursday Nov 27th. And I am writing this from Jet Airways flight 0227, First leg of the Mumbai – Brussels - Toronto – Vancouver journey . It is a stream of "adrenaline" piece. I apologize in advance for the grammatical errors. But I wanted it raw and unedited.

       First, some context.

       I have always been truly blessed. Lucky to be born to the most love a child could ever wish for. Luck to be born into a family that prided itself on teaching me how to be a man. Lucky to have been protected and sheltered by three strong, decent brothers. Lucky to have found and married the kindest heart on the face of the earth. Lucky to be blessed beyond blessed with four healthy, beautiful children.  Lucky to have wonderful friends who tolerate my idiosyncrasies.

       Tonight, these blessings, these gifts of love and life bestowed upon me, this incredible good fortune, saved my life. And I honestly don't know why.

       The details.

       I am in Mumbai on business. I'm staying at the Trident hotel. It's sister hotel, the Oberai, is right next-door and attached by a small walkway.

       I had dinner by myself in the Oberai lobby after some late meetings.

       I retired upstairs to my room. About 10min later my colleague, Alex Chamerlin, text-ed asking me to join him and his friend in the Oberai lounge for a drink. I started to make my way out the door but decided that I was really too tired.  I had a 7am flight, and needed to be up at 5. Rest beckoned. I closed the light, got into bed and quickly fell asleep. Lucky life-saving decision number 1.

       About 1hree minutes later there was knock at my door. A few seconds later, the doorbell rang (they have doorbells for hotel rooms here – who'da thunk?). I thought – who the hell is knocking at my door?  Turn down service? This late? Forget it. So I just lay there and hoped they would go away. Lucky life-saving decision number 2.

       Five minutes later I heard and felt a huge bang. I got up and went to look out the window. A huge cloud of grey smoke billowed up from the road below.  I thought.  Fireworks? I didn't see anyone milling about so knew something wasn't right. I started to walk to the light switch when -  BANG – another huge explosion shook the entire hotel.

       Oh fuck, I thought. Is that what I think this is? I opened the door to the hallway. A few people were already outside.

       I heard the word "bomb".

       Oh shit. Oh shit I thought.

       I'd like to tell you that I calmly collected my myself and my things and proceeded to the exits.

       I didn't.  An adrenaline explosion erupted inside me and almost lifted me off the floor. And I began to move. Really move.

       I went back inside, quickly packed my stuff and went back into the hall.

       I ran to the emergency exit and started making my way down the stairs (I was on the 18th floor).

       There were a few people in the stairwell. I was flying by them. I swear I could have run a marathon in 2hrs. I felt like pure energy.

       About halfway down, I called my friend Mark, told him what had happened and asked him to get me a flight – any flight – the hell out of Mumbai.

       I got to the lobby level. There was a crowd of people in the corridor.

       No one moving. No one doing anything. No hotel staff. No security people.

       Shit. I thought. We are sitting ducks.

       I decided to get out of there. First, into the lobby.

       I stepped through the door into the silent lobby. My first sight was a blood soaked plastic bag and bloody footsteps leading into the reception area.  I proceeded forward.  The windows were shattered and glass was everywhere. There wasn't a soul around.

       Bad decision, I thought. I quickly retreated to the corridor. The crowd of people had grown.

       We've got to get out of here I yelled.  Let's go.

       I looked around for the emergency exit and started running towards it.

       I made my way through the bowels of the hotel and out into a dark alley. It was empty and silent. I looked to my left and about 100m away saw a few security guards milling about.

       Run they screamed. I began to move toward them.

       I reached the main street and was immediately swept up into the Indian throngs (for those who have been to Mumbai, you know what I mean).

       People everywhere. But they were all eerily quiet. No one was talking.

       No car horns. Nothing.

       I started yelling "airport airport".

       Some one  (a hotel cook I believe) grabbed me and my bag and threw me in a rusty mini-cab.

       As I sped away, I didn't see a single police car nor hear a single siren. Just the sound of this shit-box car speeding down the deserted road.

       Traffic was stop and go. I made it to the airport in about 1hr, cleared customs and buried myself in a corner of a packed departure lounge, called my wife, called my parents and brothers and started emailing those friends who knew I was in Mumbai.

       Sadly, Alex - my colleague who texted me for a drink – and his friend were not so lucky. The terrorists stormed into the lobby bar and killed several people. They took Alex and his friend hostage and started to march them up to the roof of the hotel.

       About half way up, Alex managed to escape (he ducked through an open door and hid) but his friend was caught. And as I write this, that poor man is still on the roof of the Oberai.

       Alex is safe but as expected, extremely worried about his friend.

       I'm telling you right now. If I decided to meet Alex for that drink tonight I'd either be dead, a hostage on the roof of a building 30 hours away from everyone I love or - if I had the balls of Alex – a stupid-but-lucky-to-be-alive jerk.

       And remember that knock/ring at my door? Well, I subsequently learned that the first thing the terrorists did was get the names and room numbers of western guests. They then went to the rooms to find them.

       Ehrlich, with an E, room 1820.

       I'll bet my entire life savings that they were the knock at my door.

       Thank god for jet lag.

       Thank god for "cranky tired Jonny" (as many of my friends and family know so well) that compelled to get into and stay in bed.

       Thank god for being on the 18th floor.

       Thank god for the kind kind people of Mumbai of helped me tonight. The wonderfully kind hotel staff. That cook. My cab driver who constantly said "relaxation" "relaxation" "I help" and who kept me in the cab when we hit a particularly gnarly traffic jam and i wanted to get out and walk. And for other people in traffic who, upon hearing from my own cab driver that I was at the Oberai, literally risked life and limb to stop traffic to let us get by (as again, only those who have been to Mumbai can truly appreciate).

       Mumbai is a tragically beautiful place. Incredibly sad. But I am convinced that its inhabitants are definitely children of some troubled but immensely soulfully god.

       I'm sitting on plane (upgraded to first class….see, told you I'm lucky ?). Just had the best tasting bowl of corn flakes I've ever had in my life. Hennessey coursing through my veins. Concentration starting to loosen and sleep beginning to creep onto my horizon.

       I still feel a bit numb. But mostly I feel like I've just watched a really really bad movie staring me.  Because right now, it all doesn't feel real. Maybe a few hours of CNN will knock me into reality. But the truth is numb is fine with me for a while.  If I do end up thinking about the what if's, I don't really want to do that until I'm much much closer to home. And I have 30 more hours of travel time to go.

       But before I sign off, let me say this.

       The people who did this have no souls. They have no hearts. They are simply the living manifestation of evil and they only know killing and murder.  We – all of us - need to understand that.  Their target tonight was first and foremost Americans. Why? Because they fear everything that America stands for. They fear hope and change and freedom and peace.  Let's make no mistake; they would have shot me and my children point blank tonight with out a moment's hesitation. Most of us sorta know that but sometimes we equivocate.  We can't equivocate. Not ever.

       I know that I want to go back. Lay some flowers. Wrap my arms around these people. Say thank you. Spend some money on overpriced hotel gifts and tip well. And generally give the bastards who did this the big fuck you and
show them that I am not – I  repeat not – afraid of them.

       But first I need to go squeeze my wife. Dry her tears. Then have her dry mine as I hold my beautiful beautiful babies who will be (thankfully) oblivious to all of this. Because isn't that what life is really about?

       I appreciate you taking the time to listen.

       With much much love.

       Jonathan

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

December 3, 2008

"That's just not us"

While General Motors is making its case in Congress for an $18 billion bailout (didn't GM need "just" $12 billion last week?), it's trying to cut corners in other areas, such as its endorsement deal with Tiger Woods that paid Woods $7 million annually over the past nine years.

As one sage headline writer put it -- "GM lays off Tiger Woods."

But Conan O'Brien had an even better crack about GM's termination of its relationship with Woods during one of his monologues last week:

"General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said: 'Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular. And that’s just not us.'”

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 29, 2008

100 Movie Spoilers in 5 Minutes

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 26, 2008

Problems, problems everywhere

Even in Santa Monica.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 23, 2008

Didn't you always want to say this . . .

to Matthew McConaughey?

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 21, 2008

A typical budget meeting these days

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 12, 2008

Watch out for the Bears

As noted here earlier, years of mediocre football at Texas A&M has mellowed the formerly hard-knuckled 12th Man a bit. This week, A&M football team is a decided underdog to the fearsome the Baylor Bears (H/T Jay Christensen):

Meanwhile, watch out for the Houston Rockets' mascot, Clutch the Bear:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 9, 2008

Checking up on Krispy Kreme

The folks over at WallStrip update us on the mercurial Krispy Kreme.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 8, 2008

Video fun

The unedited Saturday Night Live Economic Bailout News Conference Skit. Absolutely brutal, but quite funny.

The Onion News Network reports on the impact of Obama's victory on his obsessive supporters:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (3) |

November 4, 2008

Tom Alexander, R.I.P.

I lost an old friend and Houston lost one of its most colorful characters on this past Sunday morning -- legendary trial attorney Tom Alexander died of a heart attack at the age of 78 (the Chronicle story on Alexander's death is here and Richard Connelly of the Houston Press chimes in here). The memorial service will be held at 11 a.m. tomorrow morning at St. Paul's United Methodist Church, 5501 Fannin in the Museum District of Houston.

Alexander was one of Houston's most accomplished trial lawyers, the kind of rare quick-read who could prepare for a trial by reading the case file on his way to the courthouse. Inasmuch as he had such an engaging personality, articulate delivery and quick wit, judges and jurors naturally gravitated toward him.

But Alexander was one of those larger-than-life characters who was much more than just a fine trial lawyer. He was a loving husband, father and grandfather. He was a true sportsman who loved and supported intercollegiate and professional sports of all kinds. He loved to golf and was an original member of Champions Golf Club, where he owned a weekend cottage that allowed him to keep up with his good friend, Champions owner Jack Burke. Born and raised in Kentucky, Alexander was also an avid horseman who could handicap thoroughbreds with the best of them.

Moreover, it wasn't all trial tactics and sports with Alexander. Whether the subject was opera, politics, philosophy, poker, theology (he gave a lay sermon at church once entitled "Can You Fistfight and Still Be a Christian?") or simply the latest gossip in Houston's professional community, Tom Alexander would engage and stimulate you. Perhaps not always the way you wanted, but always in a way that would make you think about the basis of your beliefs.

Alexander's vivacious wit and personality is perhaps best summed up by one of the funniest Houston courthouse stories that I've ever heard.

Years ago, Alexander was hired by the rich husband in an ugly divorce. The vengeful wife hired another veteran of the Houston legal community, the late Robert Scardino, Sr., the father of noted Houston criminal defense attorney, Robert Scardino, Jr.

Inasmuch as there were no children of the marriage and the value of the community estate was well-established, there was really nothing for Alexander and Scardino to fight about in the divorce. However, the husband and wife hated each other, so they directed Alexander and Scardino to be nasty with each other for as long as possible. And these two old warhorses were happy to oblige.

After about a year or so of bickering, the Family Court finally set the case for trial. Realizing that there was really no reason to use precious court time to split a well-defined community estate, the Family Court Judge called Alexander and Scardino into his chambers before the trial was scheduled to begin and hammered out a property settlement in an acrimonious two-hour session.

Exhausted from dealing with the squabbling between Alexander and Scardino, the Family Court Judge addressed the final issue in the case at the conclusion of the session:

"Mr. Alexander and Mr. Scardino, thank you for working with me in settling this case and saving the court time for other cases."

"Now, the final issue is the amount of Mr. Scardino's fee for representing the wife in this case. Mr. Scardino, what do you think is fair?"

"Well, Judge," replied Scardino. "This has been a hard-fought case and I don't want the amount of my fee to be the final problem in the case. So, I tell you what I'm willing to do."

"I don't know what the amount of Mr. Alexander's fee has been for representing the husband in this case," Scardino observed. "But I trust Mr. Alexander."

"So, to put this all behind us," concluded Scardino. "Whatever Mr. Alexander's fee has been for representing the husband in this case, I'm willing to take the same amount for representing the wife. Whatever amount Mr. Alexander has accepted as a fee is acceptable to me."

"Why, Mr. Scardino," gushed the judge. "Thank you for that creative and statesmanlike approach to resolving this final issue. I really appreciate that."

Turning toward Alexander, the judge asked: "Mr. Alexander, what do you think about Mr. Scardino's eminently reasonable proposal?"

Alexander sat in deep thought for a moment. Then, he leaned toward Scardino, got right up in his face and -- undoubtedly with a twinkle in his eye -- declared:

"You greedy sonuvabitch!"

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

November 1, 2008

Lacking appreciation for capitalism

Comedian Louis CK sums it pretty well:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 29, 2008

What's worse?

Although not many people care much, the 2008 World Series has turned into a first rate mess.

Game Five is currently suspended while the Phillies and Rays players sit around Philadelphia waiting for the inclement weather to end. This after they nearly injured themselves while inexplicably being forced to play 5.5 innings during a driving rainstorm on Monday night. The remainder of the Game Five might be played tonight.

Moreover, Game Four began at 10 p.m. EDT because of rain most of the day on Saturday. That game finished sometime after 2 a.m. Sunday on the east coast. Not exactly the way to keep the young fans interested in the game.

Meanwhile, the umpiring in the series has been atrocious, with multiple of MLB's supposedly best umpires blowing easy calls and routinely calling strikes on pitches that are clearly out of the strike zone.

And just to make matters utterly unbearable, Fox Sports imposes senseless announcers Joe Buck and Tim McCarver on the few folks watching on television. These two babble on endlessly describing the utterly obvious without ever saying anything remotely insightful. Often, they say things that are simply flat wrong.

But as bad as the World Series has been, it's nothing compared to legendary Baylor and Chicago Bears linebacker Mike Singletary's first game this past Sunday as interim coach of the San Francisco 49'ers. Coach Singletary's post-game performance has already become an overnight YouTube sensation and is being touted as one of the all-time great coach tirades.

AP sportswriter Greg Beacham summed up Coach Singletary's bad first day at the office well:

Mike Singletary ended his head coaching debut by apologizing to 49ers fans above the locker room tunnel. Tight end Vernon Davis got sent to the showers like a petulant teenager, QB J.T. O’Sullivan was benched after his 11th fumble of the season, and the San Francisco defense let a 242-pound fullback catch two long touchdown passes.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 28, 2008

Placebo Nation

In light of this NY Times article reporting that half of American doctors responding to a nationwide survey regularly prescribe placebos to their patients, I pass along the following business opportunity, courtesy of the ever-clever Dr. Boli:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

October 19, 2008

Why some people should not vote

Posted by Tom at 12:01 PM | Comments (0) |

October 18, 2008

The shame!

You know things are really getting bad in the financial markets when FT.com's always-lively Dear Lucy column (previous post here) receives the following letter from an investment banker:

"At a dinner party last Saturday I was asked by a fellow guest what I did and I said I was an investment banker. I might as well have said I was a paedophile. Suddenly the whole table – all friends of my wife from the art world – turned on me with such venom I was really taken aback. I tried to defend myself by saying that I had nothing to be ashamed of in the work that I do in M&A, but the more I argued the more hostile the other guests became."

"Next time this happens – and I fear there will be a next time – should I accept guilt for what isn’t my fault, or should I lie and say I’m a librarian?"

Investment banker, male, 42

Among the many entertaining reader comments to the letter were the following:

"Bit surprised you were invited to dinner in the first place."

"Confess and beg for another glass of wine."

"A sensitive investment banker……….. whatever next?"

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (3) |

October 8, 2008

Campaigning in 2008

Although things aren't going so well for the McCain-Palin campaign, it looks as if they have at least locked up The Villages, the golf-course retirement community in Florida that runs those cheesy commercials during PGA Tour golf tournament telecasts:

With thousands of supporters packing the streets and sidewalks of this massive retirement community, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin took the safe route Sunday and said she and John McCain would reform Washington, put America on the path to energy independence and nurse a struggling economy back to health. [ .  .  . ]

At one point while signing autographs for the sweltering crowd, a surprised Palin laughed when a supporter reached over and handed her a giant, plastic lipstick replica -- an obvious reference to a joke delivered by Palin at the Republican National Convention. Palin's comment about the only difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom being lipstick has since inspired a volley of campaign rhetoric. As the crowd cheered, a smiling Palin autographed the novelty before moving on for more autographs and handshakes.

Meanwhile, it appears that the Obama-Biden campaign has conceded The Villages to McCain-Palin. At least that's what Senator Biden seems to indicate in the video below:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 5, 2008

Did McCain choose the wrong Palin?

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 4, 2008

Therapy, Jack Donagy-style

Whew! After the past couple of weeks, we all could use a little levity.

The creator and star of NBC's clever sitcom 30 Rock -- Tina Fey -- has been getting quite a bit of publicity lately because of her spot-on impersonation of GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin. But the real star of 30 Rock is Alec Baldwin, who plays Jack Donaghy, the  self-important television executive who oversees the fictional television show that 30 Rock revolves around.

In the clip below, Baldwin's Donagy helps counsel Tracy Morgan’s character (who is the star of the fictional TV show) through a therapeutic role-playing session that a psychologist has arranged at Donagy's request to bring Morgan out of a personal crisis. In just over two minutes, Baldwin resolves the root cause of Morgan's crisis (estrangement from his family) by assuming the roles of Morgan’s father (a black man from "funky North Philly" with a droopy lip), Morgan’s mother, the white boyfriend of Morgan's mother, Morgan himself and a Hispanic neighbor of the family, Mrs. Rodriguez.

Television these days doesn't get any better than this.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

October 1, 2008

Awkward Loan Interview

The proposed Treasury bailout leads to an awkward loan interview:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

September 26, 2008

Lord, help us!

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

September 21, 2008

This is too easy

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

September 10, 2008

Movies in five words each

What with Hurricane Ike scheduled to bear down on the upper Texas Gulf coast over the weekend and the Texans looking as pathetic as ever, we could use a bit of levity around here.

So, check out The AFI Top 100 Movies... In 5 Words Each (H/T Craig Newmark). Several good ones include:

2) Casablanca (1942): Great love story. Plus: Nazis!

32) The Godfather Part II (1974): Advice: stop after this one.

42) Rear Window (1954): Watch a guy watch guys.

Following on the movies theme, if you have a spare ten minutes, check out this incredible YouTube video entitled "100 Movies, 100 Quotes, 100 Numbers."

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

September 4, 2008

Election 2008

Inasmuch as the 2008 U.S. Presidential campaign resembles a high school student council race in terms of sophistication, it appears that Jon Stewart and Comedy Central are going to have a field day between now and Election Day. Below are a recent segments on the "substance" of Obama's campaign and McCain's VP selection:

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

August 27, 2008

The genesis of a mortgage fraud hotspot

Dealbreaker's essential Opening Bell yesterday included the following note about the connection between the state of Florida and mortgage fraud:

Florida tops 1Q mortgage fraud list (AP)

This is not surprising... Florida is already a key location of the housing bubble. What's more, Florida tops every fraud list. Hello, Boca Raton? Clearwater? These cities are to fraud what Hungary is to Paprika. It's an industry. Plus, doesn't Florida have really lax mortgage/bankruptcy laws as it is?

However, what's most interesting about Florida is how relatively well the state has turned out given its checkered history. In his fine Throes of Democracy: The American Civil War Era 1829-1877 (HarperCollins 2008) (earlier blog post here), Walter A. McDougall provides the following colorful overview of Florida's evolution from the epitome of a backwater port:

From the day of the of the pirates to our day of offshore bank accounts, hedonistic resorts, and drug smuggling, Americans have found in the Caribbean an escape from their own laws and morals. The sand spit that Juan Ponce de Leon baptized La Florida was no exception.

In 1595, the Spaniards garrisoned Saint Augustine, the oldest European settlement on what became U.S. soil; and over a century Franciscans founded thirty-two missions to proselytize the Indians. But the province, which was 300 miles wide at the Panhandle and 400 miles long on the Atlantic coast, remained a derelict.

The whole Spanish navy could not have policed its 8,246 miles of tidal coastline, nor could the army police its 54,000 square miles of jungle and swamp. Nor could either defend the Indians from European infectious diseases or from the renegade Creeks they called cimarrones (whence “Seminoles”).

By the nineteenth century, the Native American Floridians were dead, the European population was measured in hundreds, and the whole peninsula from the Apalachicola River to Key West served as a refuge for Tampa Bay buccaneers, mutineers, deserters, fugitive slaves, Seminoles, and plunderers of shipwrecks (a frequent occurrence, especially during the hurricane season). 

John Quincy Adams cited the anarchy as justification for the treaty of 1819 ceding Florida to the United States. But he was pretentious to think Americanization would ensure law and order. The mostly poor, mostly Scots-Irish “crackers” who spilled into the Panhandle had no patience for government. Hot blood, hot sunshine, laws so variable that even judges could not parse them, no jails, no constables, and plenty of places to hide encouraged “ingenious rascality.” Florida was “a rogue’s paradise.” [ .  .   .]

.   .   . [V]irtue was in short supply, not only among the murderers, gamblers, slavers, squatters, and drunks who poured over the border from Georgia, but among the erstwhile elite. One feud over banking provoked two duels, a murder and a lynching that left all parties dead. In 1827, Ralph Waldo Emerson found Tallahassee “a grotesque place . . . settled by public officers, land speculators, and desperadoes.”  .   .   .  [. . .]

The Jacksonian hatred of banks likewise prevailed. So stringent were the state’s restrictions that no state banks were chartered until the legislature itself chartered one in 1855. Education? The same story. In 1851, the state founded “seminaries” to train teachers at Ocala (parent of the University of Florida) and Tallahassee (the future Florida State University), but as late as 1860 the state counted just ninety-seven schools with 8,494 pupils.

The government showed vigor only in the enforcement of slave codes and the repression of free Negroes. As the state’s population rose from 87,445 in 1850 to 140,424 by 1860, the percentage of slaves remained above 40 percent. Disciplining that underclass was everyone’s business. Policing white people’s behavior was pretty much left up to the women and the Baptist and Methodist clergy. [.  .  .]

.    .    . Today [Florida] is home to Disney World, the space program, South Beach and golf and retirement complexes. But the original Florida will never die out so long as "darkies" gather in jook joints to dance the jubilee (jitterbug), bumper stickers proclaim "Redneck and Proud of it," policeman cruise with alcoholic "roaders" in hand, and transplanted Yankees are taught that "blacks is blacks, but there ain't nothin' sorrier than po' white trash."

Mortgage fraud doesn't sound all that out of place there, now does it? ;^)

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 25, 2008

Joe Cocker, captioned for the clear-headed

Come to think of it, I always have wondered what lyrics Joe Cocker was singing during his famous rendition of "With a Little Help from My Friends" at Woodstock in 1969 (H/T Craig Newmark).

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 19, 2008

Say what, Doc?

Inasmuch as my family and social groups include a large number of medical doctors, I've noticed that the slang that the docs use when they are talking shop can be incomprehensible at times. That's why this comprehensive list of Doctor's Slang, Medical Slang and Medical Acronyms will come in handy. A few good ones:

"Blade" -- Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in doubt (very much appreciated by the primary care doctors);

"Captain Kangaroo" -- chairman of the pediatrics department;

"DTMA" -- Stands for "Don't Transfer to Me Again";

"Fonzie" -- Unflappable medic;

"Improving His Claim" -- Victim of minor accident, needs no treatment but wants something to support his insurance/legal claim;

"Masochist" -- Trauma surgeon;

"Sadomasochist" - Neurosurgeon

"NOCTOR"-- A nurse who has done a 6 week training course and acts like she or he is a Doctor;

"Two beers" -- the number of beers every patient involved in an alcohol-related automobile accident claims to have drunk before the accident.

Check out the entire list. Those docs are a tough bunch.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 17, 2008

Fashion trends

Check out Esquire's slideshow (on the left below) illustrating the evolution of men's fashion over the past 75 years. Then, take a look at this Time Magazine slideshow (on the right below) exhibiting the worst of golf fashion over the past century.

My sense is that there is a connection.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 11, 2008

Barackroll

As political satire, the video below probably doesn't top this one, but it's close.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 5, 2008

Enunciate!

Come to think of it, I had a difficult time understanding Batman at times, too.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 3, 2008

"It's all your fault"

Julie Alexandria of the always-clever WallStrip explains how speculators became the latest business villains of the moment. Enjoy.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

August 2, 2008

The Waiting Game

Moira Hodgson's W$J review of waiter/blogger Steve Dublanica's new book -- Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip--Confessions of a Cynical Waiter -- is a rollicking good time. Check out Hodgson's analysis of the merits of Dublanica's background for waiting tables:

Considering some of the customers he has to deal with, Mr. Dublanica's background was the perfect training for his job: four years in a seminary studying to be a priest followed by work at rehab centers and homes for the mentally retarded. He says that 80% of the people he serves at The Bistro are perfectly nice; the rest are socially maladjusted psychopaths. He also has to contend with servers on drugs and an irritable, jumpy boss: "Like a soldier home from war, his eyes are always scanning the horizon for threats."

By the way, be careful about sending that food back to the kitchen:

The third time a woman sends back her de-caf coffee, saying it's not hot enough, he dumps regular coffee into her cup, places it in a 400-degree oven, takes it out with a pair of tongs and delivers it to her table. But that story pales beside Mr. Dublanica's account of a waiter who plays floor hockey in the kitchen with a returned hamburger patty before hosing it off and taking it back to the table.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

July 26, 2008

Remembering Sam Kinison

The late Sam Kinison is a comedy legend who was part of a group of comedians nicknamed the Comedy Outlaws (Ron Shock and Bill Hicks were two other prominent members) that got their start in Houston during the early 1980's, most often at the LaughStop on West Gray. Here is a hilarious video of Kinison on the Tonight Show, which includes Kinison's under-appreciated singing voice and a lively discussion between Kinison and Johnny Carson on the subject of divorce. Enjoy!

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (1) |

July 17, 2008

Beijing = "People's Republic of Houston"?

"Beijing is flat and sprawling and smoggy and jammed with traffic and nearly all new, which is why an American friend who’s been working there for the last couple of years calls it 'the People’s Republic of Houston.'"

That's the opening of From Mao to Wow! by Kurt Anderson of Vanity Fair. He goes on to say that a more accurate comparison is Beijing now with New York City of a century ago.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

July 10, 2008

Which Starbucks stores are closing?

When Starbucks announced last week that it is closing 600 stores and laying off 12,000 employees, the company did not disclose which stores would be shuttered (got to get those lease buyouts finalized). However, that hasn't stopped word from filtering out into the Web on the location of the shuttered stores. The Seattle Times has already generated this Google map containing a large number of the anticipated store closings.

However, the question that is on most Houstonians' minds has not been answered. Will Lewis Black's "End of the Universe" cease to exist after Starbucks is finished closing stores?

This clip includes video of the two stores as Black comments on the end of the universe on The Daily Show (H/T Life is a Thrill):

Update: Here is the full list of the stores that will be closing.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (2) |

July 2, 2008

Tiger's tournament enters the Tiger Chasm

  The Tiger Chasm -- the widening netherworld of golf tournaments that don't attract much attention because Tiger Woods doesn't play in them -- has now swallowed even Tiger's own tournament, this weekend's AT&T National at Congressional Country Club in Washington, D.C.

Last year, most of the best PGA Tour players -- including Woods, Phil Mickelson, Adam Scott, Vijay Singh, Geoff Ogilvy, and Justin Rose -- played in the AT&T National.  With Tiger resting after recent knee surgery, none of those players are competing this year and only two top-10 player in the World Rankings -- Steve Stricker and K.J. Choi -- are bothering to show up, and only Jim Furyk (13), Trevor Immelman (14), Anthony Kim (20), Aaron Baddeley(22) and Andres Romero (24) among the top 25 are in the field.

To make matters worse, tournament title sponsor AT&T cannot be particularly happy about forking over the big bucks only to have USA Today run the headline above in its article on the tournament. (H/T Geoff Shackelford).

Welcome to the Tiger Chasm.

By the way, this Bloomberg.com article analyzes the probable technique used to repair Woods' ACL during the surgery. Definitely worth a read.

7/08/08 Update: Thomas Bonk of the LA Times reports that the ratings for the Tiger-less AT&T National confirmed its entry into the Tiger Chasm:

In a word: bad. The overnight ratings for Sunday's fourth round of the AT&T National on CBS were down 48%, from a 2.9 to a 1.5. The third-round overnight ratings were down 35%, from a 2.0 to a 1.3.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

July 1, 2008

Tyson who?

I swear, you can't make this stuff up.

The American Family Association apparently has a policy over at its new outlet, OneNewsNow, never to use the word "gay" in an article. Instead, the AFA always replaces "gay" with the supposedly more proper "homosexual."

Unfortunately for the AFA, someone forgot to check the automated changing of the word "gay" to "homosexual" when the subject of the article was Tyson Gay, who on Sunday nearly set a world record in the 100 meter sprint.

Ed Brayton has the hilarious story, and here is the Google Cache of the article before the AFA caught their blunder and changed it.

Update: By midday today, even the mainstream media was all over the gaffe.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 28, 2008

U.S. Energy Policy

Via Tom McMahon.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 26, 2008

Colbert on Hannity

Stephen Colbert channels Jessica Hagy in analyzing conservative talk-show host Sean Hannity.

Posted by Tom at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) |

June 13, 2008

Cool Graph Friday

H/T Craig Depken