November 7, 2009
Customer service
Robert Duvall -- in his classic role of former Texas Ranger Gus McCrae in Larry McMurtry's Lonesome Dove -- reminds a bartender the importance of good customer service.
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November 6, 2009
Dylan does Christmas
Andrew Ferguson is not impressed with Bob Dylan or his new Christmas CD:
The production and packaging are professional. The band is competent in a midnight-at-the-Nashville Hyatt sort of way--maybe a little heavy on the tremolo but still. And the songs themselves are fine, of course. The arrangements, though, are jarringly slick, with sleigh bells and gossamer strings and cooing girl singers--as if Dylan had chosen to lift the backing tracks from an Andy Williams Christmas special circa 1968. Oozing just beneath his asthmatic croak, the arrangements give an effect of overwhelming creepiness. His voice gets worse with every track. You wonder whether someone left the karaoke machine on in the emphysema ward at the old folks' home. He doesn't sing notes so much as make exhausted gestures in their general direction, until at a break he falls silent and is rescued by the backup singers, who reestablish the melody in the proper key. But then he starts singing again.
Yeah well, maybe ol' Bob blew the Christmas CD. But even at the age of 50 in the video below from almost 20 years ago, Dylan could still rock with the best of them -- Roger McGuinn, Tom Petty, Neil Young, Eric Clapton and the late George Harrison. Enjoy.
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October 31, 2009
Jonathon Winters' Stick
Before Robin Williams and Jim Carrey, there was Jonathon Winters. Enjoy.
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October 28, 2009
The Prisoner's Dilemma
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October 25, 2009
Chris Rock provides key advice
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October 23, 2009
Looping for Legends
Mark over at the Kaddy's Korner provides this interesting post about his experience in filling in as Tom Watson's caddy during the Champions Tour's Administaff Open at the Tournament Course in The Woodlands last weekend. Mark concludes his post in the following manner about spending a week with a legend:
Growing up, most of my heroes were baseball players, and I might be too old for a new one, but I think I found one.
During the week, I watched one of the top-10 golfers of all time practice his trade. Most guys work into their practice routine slowly with their wedges first, but Tom started warming up each day with a 3-iron, and none of them sounded clunky. He made sure he acknowledged all the fans, sincerely understanding what they do for the game. He walked through the crowds gazing into their eyes, waving, and none of it was forced. Most guys work up a strained smile and a nod.
There were only two people at the tournament who gathered a larger following: Arnold Palmer and former President George H. W. Bush. That’s not bad company.
Which reminds me of the classic video below of Bill Murray hilariously describing the experience of looping a round with another legend. Hint -- he was very well compensated ;^):
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October 20, 2009
Kramer's Entrances
Every single Kramer entrance from Seinfeld, in chronological order, in a little over six minutes. Enjoy!
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October 18, 2009
Colbert on the Stock Market
Colbert was on fire this week.
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| The Money Shot | ||||
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October 17, 2009
Colbert: Bend it Like Beck
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Bend It Like Beck | ||||
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October 6, 2009
Chris Rock on Roman Polanski, Michael Vick and dogs
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September 5, 2009
Crunchy excellence
Continuing on the thread of creative advertising, check out this brilliant series of Cinnamon Toast Crunch commercials by McCann Erickson/Campbell Mithun.
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September 4, 2009
A great interview
Anything that happens in U.S. Open tennis over the Labor Day weekend is unlikely to match this hilarious post-match interview of Andy Roddick during the 2007 Australian Open after Roger Federer had defeated him in particularly dominating style.
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August 29, 2009
The Five Minute University
Food for thought from Father Guido Sarducci to collegians starting the new school year.
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August 24, 2009
The evolution of primary care
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August 23, 2009
Mathemagic
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August 20, 2009
A Texas original
Given the achievement of covering his 200th major golf tournament at the U.S. Open this past June, Clear Thinkers favorite and fellow Texan Dan Jenkins has been making the interview rounds and it has been a rollicking good time.
Last week at the PGA Tournament (Jenkins' 201st major tournament), the PGA presented Jenkins to the press corps one afternoon and the interview session ended up being the most entertaining of the week. Here are a few snippets:
"It's been a great geographic trip, because I got to cover the dominant player in the world from Texas [Ben Hogan] and then the one from Pennsylvania [Arnold Palmer] and then the one from Ohio [Jack Nicklaus], the one from Missouri [Tom Watson] and the one from Spain [Seve Ballesteros], and now a guy from California [Tiger Woods]. Pretty good geographic journey."
Recalling an anecdote from an Atlanta hotel that Jenkins stayed in while covering a tournament:
Jenkins: "What exactly is the name of the property we're staying in?"
Julius Mason, a Jenkins friend: "It's the Sheraton Four Points."
Jenkins: "Four points out of 10? No air conditioning, no ice, no TV, no phone. It was a grand slam."
On his future:
Question: "How long are you going to keep doing this?"
Jenkins: "I'm not qualified to do anything else. So I'll be here until they carry me out and the message on my tombstone will be 'I knew this would happen.'"
On his two passions, golf and college football:
"Hey, golf is fun. It's beautiful. It's elite. It's gorgeous and all those things. But college football -- it's important. People live and die for that sport."
And, as noted earlier here, the 79 year-old Jenkins has taken to Twitter like a fish to water. Here are a few of his twit gems from last weekend's PGA:
"Tiger three-putts for bogey. Still gets standing ovation."
"Tiger throws grass in the air on the fifth fairway. Gets another standing ovation."
On Vijay Singh's 3rd round putting woes:
"Vijay putted today like your member-guest partner. The partner you don't invite back."
"I see 'Squeaky' Fromme was let out of prison Friday. Maybe the Eagles will sign her."
"Female mixed martial arts seems to be catching on. Some of my friends believe they might have been married to a couple of them."
"I just noticed I'm closing in on 4,500 [Twitter] followers. My daughter says, 'Great, Dad. Still two million behind Britney Spears.'"
On Irishman Padrig Harrington's quintuple bogey 8 that took him out of contention on the final day:
"The Irish do love funerals."
On South Korean Y.E. Yang's victory in the PGA:
"After conquering the LPGA Tour, the South Koreans have now set their sights on the men. And after all we've done for them."
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August 12, 2009
Colbert does Julie & Julia
The crack about "certainly there was something they haven't deep-fat fried yet" is an instant classic.
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August 4, 2009
I thought Ghostbusters seemed familiar
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August 3, 2009
Unintended Consequences
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August 1, 2009
While we're on this whole police arrogance problem
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Current Events - Tasers | ||||
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July 31, 2009
“Is it not like hiring a personal trainer who is morbidly obese?”
Has there ever been a Treasury Secretary who has been an easier target than Timothy Geithner?
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Home Crisis Investigation | ||||
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July 30, 2009
At least police arrogance isn't solely an American problem
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July 20, 2009
"Somebody gave him the steal sign"
If you haven't already seen it, then don't miss Jon Stewart's classic destruction of the fawning treatment that former Phillies and Mets outfielder Lenny Dykstra received from several financial media outlets over the past several years in regard to his supposedly magical investment strategies. Ryan Chittum summarizes the media outlets' attraction in Dykstra's case to glitz over substance. Another reminder that the "too good to be true" rule is an important one to embrace when evaluating investment alternatives.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Lenny Dykstra's Financial Career | ||||
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July 11, 2009
A Meeting with the Pope
Richard Z. Chesnoff is one of America's foremost commentators on Middle Eastern affairs (see prior posts here). And he tells a pretty darn good joke, too. From the magnificent Old Jews Telling Jokes:
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July 6, 2009
The Homeopathic ER
An instant classic from That Mitchell and Webb Look (H/T Kevin, M.D.). Enjoy.
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July 5, 2009
First, Henry VIII, then this
A rather odd postlude from Trinity Wall Street Episcopal Church. H/T J.D. Walt from The Firstborn Son :
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June 29, 2009
Levity to start the week
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June 28, 2009
Classic Buddy Hackett
The video of Ed McMahon and Johnny Carson posted earlier this week reminded me of this classic joke that the late Buddy Hackett told and acted out on the Tonight Show years ago. Enjoy.
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June 26, 2009
Old Jews telling jokes is back
After a short break, one of the best new websites of the year -- Old Jews Telling Jokes -- is back with a new round of jokes. Enjoy.
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June 25, 2009
Ed McMahon, R.I.P.
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June 22, 2009
Jenkins @ the Open
With the 2009 U.S. Open that is finishing today, Clear Thinkers favorite Dan Jenkins is covering his 200th major golf tournament. In one of the more remarkable developments of the tournament, the 79 year-old Jenkins has been reporting on developments through Twitter, where he has proved to be a natural (one of his recent posts: "If David Duval wins this thing, it'll be the biggest comeback from a slump since Mickey Rourke got nominated for an Oscar"). Below is a recent HBO interview of Jenkins talking about his friend Ben Hogan, who was the master of the U.S. Open during the late 1940's and early 50's. Enjoy a true Texas original reminiscing about another one:
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June 19, 2009
How to make the U.S. Open telecast more exciting
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June 16, 2009
A small Austin brokerage house schools the big banks
Tongues were wagging in financial circles around the world last week regarding this Wall Street Journal article about Austin-based Amherst Holdings' amazing play in which they sold credit default swaps on mortgage bonds to a number of Wall Street and London's biggest banks. Amherst then turned around and bought the mortgages underlying the bonds upon which the CDS were written to prevent a default that would have triggered Amherst's obligation to pay on the CDS.
Thus, in short, Amherst sold CDS on bonds and then bought the security for the bonds, thereby rendering the CDS worthless. Although the amount of profit is somewhat unclear, Amherst reportedly pocketed tens of millions of dollars on the deal.
The Financial Times' economist Willem Buiter does an entertaining job of explaining Amherst's transactional plan in the context of gambling and the difficulties involved in regulating such transactions. In so doing, he makes the following observation:
"The scheme is beautiful in its simplicity, absolutely outrageous, quite unethical, deeply deceptive and duplicitous, indeed quite immoral, but apparently legal."
Geez, maybe these Amherst sharpies could have saved AIG?
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June 14, 2009
Lucy and Ethel in Iowa City
While reminiscing about my late mother with family members and friends at her recent funeral, it occurred to me that her remarkable life would be a great subject for a Larry McMurtry novel.
Along those lines, Sarah Swisher, an old family friend and a columnist for the Iowa City Press-Citizen, penned this column regarding an hilarious caper from the early 1960's involving my mother and Sarah's mother, who were dear friends. What started out as an attempt to create a plot for an Alfred Hitchcock movie quickly transformed into an episode of I Love Lucy with a touch of The Honeymooners.
You really can't make this stuff up.
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June 13, 2009
The Stand-up Economist on the Financial Crisis
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June 11, 2009
The genius of Richard Pryor
This fine Stephan Kanfer/City Journal piece on the late Richard Pryor reminded me of this old Saturday Night Live skit entitled "Word Association." Enjoy.
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June 7, 2009
Bud Light's latest
As noted earlier here and here, commercials continue to provide some of the most creative entertainment on television. Check out Bud Light's latest:
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May 31, 2009
A Brit visits Texas
A friend of mine from London, on his first visit to Houston, candidly admitted that he was surprised that there were so many trees and no sagebrush or sandstorms. One can only imagine the similar misperceptions that this BBC video (H/T Professor Bainbridge) has created in English minds:
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May 30, 2009
Tea Party
As noted in this earlier post, some of the most creative work on television these days is being done in commercials.
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May 28, 2009
"The Hospital"
From one of the best new websites of the past year, Old Jews Telling Jokes.
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May 26, 2009
There is no crying in baseball
With the passing of Memorial Day, it's officially baseball season, even though the dang NBA Playoffs seem endless. Thus, it's time for Tom Hanks as exasperated Manager Jimmy Dugan to remind us of the best baseball tirade in cinematic history. Enjoy.
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May 24, 2009
What's better? The goal or the call?
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May 17, 2009
Kevin Spacey is very good at impersonations
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May 8, 2009
Mostly for Trekkies
With the latest Star Trek movie opening this weekend, you may want to pass the following video of an old William Shatner Saturday Night Life sketch along to your Trekkie friends. Be sure to watch through the end.
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May 7, 2009
Jenkins returns to Sawgrass
Clear Thinkers favorites Dan Jenkins, the dean of American golf writers, is making his first trek to TPC Sawgrass in a decade this week to cover my favorite tournament, The Players (which includes the always fun video of the 17th hole).
Geoff Shackelford scores this interview with Jenkins (which is a follow-up on this one from last year), and it is clear that Jenkins is already in mid-season form. The first part of the answer below is from last year's interview, the second from this year's:
The men's tour sucks. Everybody drives it 340 and shoots 63. I've never heard of half their names, and don't care to know them until they get back to me with two majors.
My fee for talking to Tiger Woods is going up every day. I've tried for 10 years to get a one-on-one with him---and can't. Why? Because Mark Steinberg says, "We have nothing to gain."
Can you imagine what the men's tour would look like if Tiger and Phil both suffered career-ending injuries? I'll tell you. It would look like what it looks like today when they aren't in the field. It would increase interest in polo.
. . .[I]in my declining years, I have arrived at the point where I don't give a damn about anything but the four majors and the Ryder Cup. They are important. The regular tour sucks.
I should mention that the regular tour didn't used to suck. It used to be quite glamorous, when the LA Open was always first, when the Crosby was the Crosby, when the players wore snappy clothes and movie stars hung around them, when the Florida swing had its own charm, same for Texas, and so on. But mainly when every winner was SOMEBODY.
I live in the past. It was a better world.
No doubt that more than a few of the folks attending the tournament this week will, at least part of the time, be enjoying Jenkins' classic “Mankind’s 10 Stages of Drunkenness” from his 1981 novel, Baja Oklahoma:
0) Sober
1) Witty and Charming
2) Rich and Powerful
3) Benevolent
4) Clairvoyant
5) F**k Dinner
6) Patriotic
7) Crank Up the Enola Gay
8) Witty and Charming, Part II
9) Invisible
10) Bulletproof
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May 5, 2009
If the Rockets can shoot like this, then they may just beat the Lakers
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May 4, 2009
Princess Leia can roast with the best of them
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May 3, 2009
The Butcher vs. The Oilman
Daniel Day-Lewis as Bill the Butcher from Gangs of New York has a discussion with Daniel Day-Lewis as Daniel Plainview of There Will Be Blood.
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May 2, 2009
Heineken's Walk-in Cooler
Following up on this earlier post, isn't it interesting that some of the most creative product on television these days is in commercials?
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April 21, 2009
The Latest Gaffigan
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April 19, 2009
Hayes Carll "She Left Me for Jesus"
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April 17, 2009
This Church has something for you
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April 12, 2009
Colbert defends Christ
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Bart Ehrman | ||||
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April 4, 2009
"Steve Earle" by Sugarland
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March 9, 2009
The real reason why the Texans re-signed David Anderson
I don't keep up on the market in the NFL for back-up wide receivers, but I was still surprised last week when the Texans matched Denver's $4.5 million offer (including a cool $1 million up front) to restricted free agent David Anderson.
$4.5 million for a back-up wide receiver and special teams guy? Really?
But now I know the real reason that the Texans re-signed Anderson -- he keeps the other players loose in the locker room. And based on the video below, he is well worth the $4.5 million. Check out Anderson's imitation of ESPN's NFL Gameday analyst Ron Jaworski. Absolutely spot on.
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March 7, 2009
Conan O'Brien's Greatest Guest Moments
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March 6, 2009
Insightful thoughts to close the week
Writing in 1951 about popular attitudes toward income inequality in "The Ethics of Redistribution," Bertrand de Jouvenel observed the following (H/T WSJ):
The film-star or the crooner is not grudged the income that is grudged to the oil magnate, because the people appreciate the entertainer's accomplishment and not the entrepreneur's, and because the former's personality is liked and the latter's is not. They feel that consumption of the entertainer's income is itself an entertainment, while the capitalist's is not, and somehow think that what the entertainer enjoys is deliberately given by them while the capitalist's income is somehow filched from them.
In arguably the best financial blog post to date in 2009, the Epicurean Dealmaker analyzes the skewed dynamics that led to the Merrill Lynch high-level executive bonus pool and observes, among other things:
It would not be outlandish to consider the Merrill executives' bonus pool as the latest and largest campaign gift toward Mr. [Andrew] Cuomo's 2010 gubernatorial run.
Meanwhile, Andrew Morris wrote the following in a letter to the WSJ editor (H/T Don Boudreaux):
At first, when I read your headline “States give gambling a closer look” (Mar. 3) I thought you were reporting on yet another “stimulus” or “bailout” bill in which politicians played games of chance with taxpayers’ money. Hardly news -- just another “dog bites man” story.
Then I realized it was just a story about allowing ordinary people to risk their own money -- now that’s a “man bites dog” story!
Along the same lines, the WSJ's Notable and Quotable series provided the following excerpt from Friedrich A. Hayek's "The Constitution of Liberty" (1960) on the illusory nature of progressive taxation and large increases in governmental spending:
Not only is the revenue derived from the high rates levied on large incomes, particularly in the highest brackets, so small compared with the total revenue as to make hardly any difference to the burden borne by the rest; but for a long time . . . it was not the poorest who benefited from it but entirely the better-off working class and the lower strata of the middle class who provided the largest number of voters.
It would probably be true, on the other hand, to say that the illusion that by means of progressive taxation the burden can be shifted substantially onto the shoulders of the wealthy has been the chief reason why taxation has increased as fast as it has done and that, under the influence of this illusion, the masses have come to accept a much heavier load than they would have done otherwise. The only major result of the policy has been the severe limitation of the incomes that could be earned by the most successful and thereby gratification of the envy of the less-well-off.
And Jason Kottke noted the technological irony of the week:
Now you can go to the iTunes Store to buy the Kindle app from Amazon that lets you read ebooks made for the Kindle device on the iPhone.
Finally, legendary Houston trial lawyer Joe Jamail passes along this anecdote about the late, great Houston criminal defense lawyer, Percy Foreman:
In the early 1980s, Jamail represented his courtroom idol, Houston criminal defense attorney Percy Foreman, whose neck was injured when his car was rear-ended by a commercial truck. On direct examination, Foreman testified that he had not experienced any neck problems before the accident, and that he was entitled to $75,000 for lost income due to the injury.
But on cross-examination, the defense revealed that Foreman had been hospitalized nine times for neck problems prior to this accident.
“The jury looked at me, expecting me to give them an answer,” says Jamail. “So I told them that Percy had been a great lawyer throughout his life, but that he was now just an old man and was growing senile.”
At that moment, Foreman jumped up and yelled out across the courtroom, “You goddamned son of a bitch!”
“See what I mean,” Jamail immediately told jurors. “He doesn’t even know where he is right now.”
The jury awarded Foreman the sum of $75,004. Jamail says he never figured out why the extra $4.
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February 27, 2009
He's back
Tiger Woods returned from major knee surgery to make his first appearance of the PGA Tour season this week, although Tim Clark made it a brief initial appearance.
Meanwhile, Woods' major sponsor Nike rolled out this commercial to celebrate Woods' return. It continues the trend of commercials representing some of the most creative product on television. Watch through the end and enjoy.
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February 21, 2009
Quotes of the Week
"The market wants Churchill and they keep tossing it Chamberlains."
John Nash (via David Henderson) on his progress out of mental illness in the late 1980's:
"Then gradually I began to intellectually reject some of the delusionally influenced lines of thinking which had been characteristic of my orientation. This began, most recognizably, with the rejection of politically-oriented thinking as essentially a hopeless waste of intellectual effort."
"In reality, no one spends someone else's money better than they spend their own. The charade of the current stimulus package, chockablock with earmarks to favored pet constituencies and virtually devoid of national policy considerations, is the logical consequence of Keynesianism in action. It is about politics and power, not sound economics, and I believe that the American people will reject it."
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February 13, 2009
Can't the NY Times get anything right?
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February 12, 2009
What Not to Wear, PGA Tour-style
Golf Digest fashion director Marty Hackel takes Phil Mickelson to task for wearing a white belt with his otherwise all-black oufit at the PGA Tour stop last weekend at Torrey Pines in San Diego:
OK, I have had a look at it and it's not ideal. You are correct in that if you wear a white belt and have a big waist you should select trousers that have less contrast.
White belts are fine, but, and this is a big BUT, if your waist is big, DO NOT HAVE CONTRAST. The white belt with the black trousers called your eye and attention on his waist. Save the white belt for beige trousers and a white golf shirt!!
Golf Digest writer John Strege observes that Mickelson’s outfit might spur a new fashion rule:
One press tent wag suggested a Rule 32 apply, that if you're older than 32 or have a waist size larger than 32 you should not wear a white belt.
Meanwhile, while enduring less encouraging news about professional athletes, take a moment to check out this nice story about PGA Tour veteran J.P. Hayes, who is finding a welcome market for sponsor’s exemptions into Tour events after he disqualified himself over a technical rules violation during the PGA Tour Q-School last fall.
Sometimes, good guys really do win.
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February 7, 2009
A good partner is hard to find
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February 6, 2009
What the Tour players really think
Golf Digest is running in this month's issue the results of an interesting survey that the magazine recently took of 25 of the top PGA Tour players.
Clear Thinkers favorite and longtime Houstonian Steve Elkington scores highly in one of the most important questions:
WHO'S THE BEST JOKE-TELLER ON TOUR?
Todd Hamilton: 17%
Steve Elkington: 13%
Harrison Frazar: 8%
Neal Lancaster: 8%
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Paul Azinger, Rich Beem, Tim Clark, Carlos Franco, Paul Goydos, Peter Jacobsen, Peter Lonard, Nick Price, Chris Riley, Boo Weekley
And you have to like the answers to the question "Who would you rather have dinner with, Phil Mickelson or Vijay Singh?"
Phil: 50%
Vijay: 50%
COMMENTS: "What are we eating?" ... "So either I listen to Phil tell me everything he thinks he knows, or I sit with Vijay while he says nothing." ... "Give me a choice!"
Moreover, in response to the "What's the worst course you play on Tour?" question, La Cantera in San Antonio was the runaway winner (good thing that tournament is moving to a new course next year), while the Shell Houston Open's Tournament Course at Redstone is one of a half-dozen courses in the "Others Receiving Votes" category for that question. That will go over like a lead balloon at Houston Golf Association's offices.
But my favorite answer came in the "Others Receiving Votes" category to the question "Who's the Slowest Player on Tour?"
"Any Swede."
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February 1, 2009
A solid Super Bowl Ad
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January 22, 2009
You won't see this at the local Metro Light Rail station
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January 17, 2009
Hayes Carll on the Battle of Crystal Beach
Clear Thinkers favorite Hayes Carll sings "I Got a Gig" and tells the humorous story about about his first gigs in Crystal Beach, Texas.
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January 14, 2009
Fascinating trend
Following on this earlier post, isn't it interesting that companies selling alcoholic beverages are funding some of the most creative product on television?
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January 11, 2009
Men are from Mars, Women from Venus
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December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas from the Family
Back by popular demand is Texas singer-songwriter and Houston native Robert Earl Keen's classic Texas Christmas carol and video, Merry Christmas from the Family. Keen will be playing Houston's House of Blues on Sunday the 28th.
Happy holidays and thanks for reading HCT!
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December 19, 2008
Wallstrip does Cramer on Wall Street
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December 12, 2008
Get inspired
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December 7, 2008
What is this blithering 90-degree rule?
When it comes to playing golf, I'm decidedly old school. Weather permitting, I prefer to walk while playing, which puts me in a decided minority among American golfers, most of whom prefer to ride in a motorized cart.
Golfweek's British columnist Alistar Tait also prefers to walk, as do most golfers in the United Kingdom, where motorized carts are a rarity. Tait has just returned to the U.K. from his annual golfing trip to the U.S. and he weighs in with this clever article (entitled "Annoyed with America") in which he lists the "peculiarities" of playing golf in the U.S.
He includes one of my favorite cart-riding absurdities -- the 90-degree rule -- which requires that you drive on the cart path until you are 90 degrees from your ball, then drive to your ball from the cart path, hit your shot, and then return on your 90 degree path to the cart path, where you proceed to 90 degrees from your shot landed. Tait notes:
The 90-degree rule – Tell a British golfer that the 90-degree rule is in effect and you’ll get a blank look. Since we don’t have carts and paths, there’s no need for a rule that says you drive on the cart path adjacent to your ball and then turn 90 degrees to your ball.
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December 4, 2008
Reflections on Mumbai
Jonathan Ehrlich is a Vancouver businessman who was in one of the hotels that was attacked last week in Mumbai. Take a few minutes to listen to his harrowing story and to read the email (under the fold below) that he sent to his family members and friends during his trip home after the attack. A good example of the fighting spirit that is needed to win this battle.
And don't miss this spot-on analysis of the Mumbai attacks by John Stewart and John Oliver:
Hey guys.
Got all your notes. Thank you. I'm ok. A little shaky to be honest but really just happy to be here. I can't thank you enough for your notes.
You have no idea what the mean to me. Hope to see and speak to you all soon.
I wrote the following on the plane.
It's 3.33 am Thursday Nov 27th. And I am writing this from Jet Airways flight 0227, First leg of the Mumbai – Brussels - Toronto – Vancouver journey . It is a stream of "adrenaline" piece. I apologize in advance for the grammatical errors. But I wanted it raw and unedited.
First, some context.
I have always been truly blessed. Lucky to be born to the most love a child could ever wish for. Luck to be born into a family that prided itself on teaching me how to be a man. Lucky to have been protected and sheltered by three strong, decent brothers. Lucky to have found and married the kindest heart on the face of the earth. Lucky to be blessed beyond blessed with four healthy, beautiful children. Lucky to have wonderful friends who tolerate my idiosyncrasies.
Tonight, these blessings, these gifts of love and life bestowed upon me, this incredible good fortune, saved my life. And I honestly don't know why.
The details.
I am in Mumbai on business. I'm staying at the Trident hotel. It's sister hotel, the Oberai, is right next-door and attached by a small walkway.
I had dinner by myself in the Oberai lobby after some late meetings.
I retired upstairs to my room. About 10min later my colleague, Alex Chamerlin, text-ed asking me to join him and his friend in the Oberai lounge for a drink. I started to make my way out the door but decided that I was really too tired. I had a 7am flight, and needed to be up at 5. Rest beckoned. I closed the light, got into bed and quickly fell asleep. Lucky life-saving decision number 1.
About 1hree minutes later there was knock at my door. A few seconds later, the doorbell rang (they have doorbells for hotel rooms here – who'da thunk?). I thought – who the hell is knocking at my door? Turn down service? This late? Forget it. So I just lay there and hoped they would go away. Lucky life-saving decision number 2.
Five minutes later I heard and felt a huge bang. I got up and went to look out the window. A huge cloud of grey smoke billowed up from the road below. I thought. Fireworks? I didn't see anyone milling about so knew something wasn't right. I started to walk to the light switch when - BANG – another huge explosion shook the entire hotel.
Oh fuck, I thought. Is that what I think this is? I opened the door to the hallway. A few people were already outside.
I heard the word "bomb".
Oh shit. Oh shit I thought.
I'd like to tell you that I calmly collected my myself and my things and proceeded to the exits.
I didn't. An adrenaline explosion erupted inside me and almost lifted me off the floor. And I began to move. Really move.
I went back inside, quickly packed my stuff and went back into the hall.
I ran to the emergency exit and started making my way down the stairs (I was on the 18th floor).
There were a few people in the stairwell. I was flying by them. I swear I could have run a marathon in 2hrs. I felt like pure energy.
About halfway down, I called my friend Mark, told him what had happened and asked him to get me a flight – any flight – the hell out of Mumbai.
I got to the lobby level. There was a crowd of people in the corridor.
No one moving. No one doing anything. No hotel staff. No security people.
Shit. I thought. We are sitting ducks.
I decided to get out of there. First, into the lobby.
I stepped through the door into the silent lobby. My first sight was a blood soaked plastic bag and bloody footsteps leading into the reception area. I proceeded forward. The windows were shattered and glass was everywhere. There wasn't a soul around.
Bad decision, I thought. I quickly retreated to the corridor. The crowd of people had grown.
We've got to get out of here I yelled. Let's go.
I looked around for the emergency exit and started running towards it.
I made my way through the bowels of the hotel and out into a dark alley. It was empty and silent. I looked to my left and about 100m away saw a few security guards milling about.
Run they screamed. I began to move toward them.
I reached the main street and was immediately swept up into the Indian throngs (for those who have been to Mumbai, you know what I mean).
People everywhere. But they were all eerily quiet. No one was talking.
No car horns. Nothing.
I started yelling "airport airport".
Some one (a hotel cook I believe) grabbed me and my bag and threw me in a rusty mini-cab.
As I sped away, I didn't see a single police car nor hear a single siren. Just the sound of this shit-box car speeding down the deserted road.
Traffic was stop and go. I made it to the airport in about 1hr, cleared customs and buried myself in a corner of a packed departure lounge, called my wife, called my parents and brothers and started emailing those friends who knew I was in Mumbai.
Sadly, Alex - my colleague who texted me for a drink – and his friend were not so lucky. The terrorists stormed into the lobby bar and killed several people. They took Alex and his friend hostage and started to march them up to the roof of the hotel.
About half way up, Alex managed to escape (he ducked through an open door and hid) but his friend was caught. And as I write this, that poor man is still on the roof of the Oberai.
Alex is safe but as expected, extremely worried about his friend.
I'm telling you right now. If I decided to meet Alex for that drink tonight I'd either be dead, a hostage on the roof of a building 30 hours away from everyone I love or - if I had the balls of Alex – a stupid-but-lucky-to-be-alive jerk.
And remember that knock/ring at my door? Well, I subsequently learned that the first thing the terrorists did was get the names and room numbers of western guests. They then went to the rooms to find them.
Ehrlich, with an E, room 1820.
I'll bet my entire life savings that they were the knock at my door.
Thank god for jet lag.
Thank god for "cranky tired Jonny" (as many of my friends and family know so well) that compelled to get into and stay in bed.
Thank god for being on the 18th floor.
Thank god for the kind kind people of Mumbai of helped me tonight. The wonderfully kind hotel staff. That cook. My cab driver who constantly said "relaxation" "relaxation" "I help" and who kept me in the cab when we hit a particularly gnarly traffic jam and i wanted to get out and walk. And for other people in traffic who, upon hearing from my own cab driver that I was at the Oberai, literally risked life and limb to stop traffic to let us get by (as again, only those who have been to Mumbai can truly appreciate).
Mumbai is a tragically beautiful place. Incredibly sad. But I am convinced that its inhabitants are definitely children of some troubled but immensely soulfully god.
I'm sitting on plane (upgraded to first class….see, told you I'm lucky ☺). Just had the best tasting bowl of corn flakes I've ever had in my life. Hennessey coursing through my veins. Concentration starting to loosen and sleep beginning to creep onto my horizon.
I still feel a bit numb. But mostly I feel like I've just watched a really really bad movie staring me. Because right now, it all doesn't feel real. Maybe a few hours of CNN will knock me into reality. But the truth is numb is fine with me for a while. If I do end up thinking about the what if's, I don't really want to do that until I'm much much closer to home. And I have 30 more hours of travel time to go.
But before I sign off, let me say this.
The people who did this have no souls. They have no hearts. They are simply the living manifestation of evil and they only know killing and murder. We – all of us - need to understand that. Their target tonight was first and foremost Americans. Why? Because they fear everything that America stands for. They fear hope and change and freedom and peace. Let's make no mistake; they would have shot me and my children point blank tonight with out a moment's hesitation. Most of us sorta know that but sometimes we equivocate. We can't equivocate. Not ever.
I know that I want to go back. Lay some flowers. Wrap my arms around these people. Say thank you. Spend some money on overpriced hotel gifts and tip well. And generally give the bastards who did this the big fuck you and
show them that I am not – I repeat not – afraid of them.
But first I need to go squeeze my wife. Dry her tears. Then have her dry mine as I hold my beautiful beautiful babies who will be (thankfully) oblivious to all of this. Because isn't that what life is really about?
I appreciate you taking the time to listen.
With much much love.
Jonathan
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December 3, 2008
"That's just not us"
While General Motors is making its case in Congress for an $18 billion bailout (didn't GM need "just" $12 billion last week?), it's trying to cut corners in other areas, such as its endorsement deal with Tiger Woods that paid Woods $7 million annually over the past nine years.
As one sage headline writer put it -- "GM lays off Tiger Woods."
But Conan O'Brien had an even better crack about GM's termination of its relationship with Woods during one of his monologues last week:
"General Motors announced that they are ending their endorsement deal with Tiger Woods. When asked why, a spokesperson for General Motors said: 'Tiger Woods is successful, competitive, and popular. And that’s just not us.'”
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November 29, 2008
100 Movie Spoilers in 5 Minutes
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November 26, 2008
Problems, problems everywhere
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November 23, 2008
Didn't you always want to say this . . .
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November 21, 2008
A typical budget meeting these days
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November 12, 2008
Watch out for the Bears
As noted here earlier, years of mediocre football at Texas A&M has mellowed the formerly hard-knuckled 12th Man a bit. This week, A&M football team is a decided underdog to the fearsome the Baylor Bears (H/T Jay Christensen):
Meanwhile, watch out for the Houston Rockets' mascot, Clutch the Bear:
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November 9, 2008
Checking up on Krispy Kreme
The folks over at WallStrip update us on the mercurial Krispy Kreme.
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November 8, 2008
Video fun
The unedited Saturday Night Live Economic Bailout News Conference Skit. Absolutely brutal, but quite funny.
The Onion News Network reports on the impact of Obama's victory on his obsessive supporters:
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November 4, 2008
Tom Alexander, R.I.P.
I lost an old friend and Houston lost one of its most colorful characters on this past Sunday morning -- legendary trial attorney Tom Alexander died of a heart attack at the age of 78 (the Chronicle story on Alexander's death is here and Richard Connelly of the Houston Press chimes in here). The memorial service will be held at 11 a.m. tomorrow morning at St. Paul's United Methodist Church, 5501 Fannin in the Museum District of Houston.
Alexander was one of Houston's most accomplished trial lawyers, the kind of rare quick-read who could prepare for a trial by reading the case file on his way to the courthouse. Inasmuch as he had such an engaging personality, articulate delivery and quick wit, judges and jurors naturally gravitated toward him.
But Alexander was one of those larger-than-life characters who was much more than just a fine trial lawyer. He was a loving husband, father and grandfather. He was a true sportsman who loved and supported intercollegiate and professional sports of all kinds. He loved to golf and was an original member of Champions Golf Club, where he owned a weekend cottage that allowed him to keep up with his good friend, Champions owner Jack Burke. Born and raised in Kentucky, Alexander was also an avid horseman who could handicap thoroughbreds with the best of them.
Moreover, it wasn't all trial tactics and sports with Alexander. Whether the subject was opera, politics, philosophy, poker, theology (he gave a lay sermon at church once entitled "Can You Fistfight and Still Be a Christian?") or simply the latest gossip in Houston's professional community, Tom Alexander would engage and stimulate you. Perhaps not always the way you wanted, but always in a way that would make you think about the basis of your beliefs.
Alexander's vivacious wit and personality is perhaps best summed up by one of the funniest Houston courthouse stories that I've ever heard.
Years ago, Alexander was hired by the rich husband in an ugly divorce. The vengeful wife hired another veteran of the Houston legal community, the late Robert Scardino, Sr., the father of noted Houston criminal defense attorney, Robert Scardino, Jr.
Inasmuch as there were no children of the marriage and the value of the community estate was well-established, there was really nothing for Alexander and Scardino to fight about in the divorce. However, the husband and wife hated each other, so they directed Alexander and Scardino to be nasty with each other for as long as possible. And these two old warhorses were happy to oblige.
After about a year or so of bickering, the Family Court finally set the case for trial. Realizing that there was really no reason to use precious court time to split a well-defined community estate, the Family Court Judge called Alexander and Scardino into his chambers before the trial was scheduled to begin and hammered out a property settlement in an acrimonious two-hour session.
Exhausted from dealing with the squabbling between Alexander and Scardino, the Family Court Judge addressed the final issue in the case at the conclusion of the session:
"Mr. Alexander and Mr. Scardino, thank you for working with me in settling this case and saving the court time for other cases."
"Now, the final issue is the amount of Mr. Scardino's fee for representing the wife in this case. Mr. Scardino, what do you think is fair?"
"Well, Judge," replied Scardino. "This has been a hard-fought case and I don't want the amount of my fee to be the final problem in the case. So, I tell you what I'm willing to do."
"I don't know what the amount of Mr. Alexander's fee has been for representing the husband in this case," Scardino observed. "But I trust Mr. Alexander."
"So, to put this all behind us," concluded Scardino. "Whatever Mr. Alexander's fee has been for representing the husband in this case, I'm willing to take the same amount for representing the wife. Whatever amount Mr. Alexander has accepted as a fee is acceptable to me."
"Why, Mr. Scardino," gushed the judge. "Thank you for that creative and statesmanlike approach to resolving this final issue. I really appreciate that."
Turning toward Alexander, the judge asked: "Mr. Alexander, what do you think about Mr. Scardino's eminently reasonable proposal?"
Alexander sat in deep thought for a moment. Then, he leaned toward Scardino, got right up in his face and -- undoubtedly with a twinkle in his eye -- declared:
"You greedy sonuvabitch!"
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November 1, 2008
Lacking appreciation for capitalism
Comedian Louis CK sums it pretty well:
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October 29, 2008
What's worse?
Although not many people care much, the 2008 World Series has turned into a first rate mess.
Game Five is currently suspended while the Phillies and Rays players sit around Philadelphia waiting for the inclement weather to end. This after they nearly injured themselves while inexplicably being forced to play 5.5 innings during a driving rainstorm on Monday night. The remainder of the Game Five might be played tonight.
Moreover, Game Four began at 10 p.m. EDT because of rain most of the day on Saturday. That game finished sometime after 2 a.m. Sunday on the east coast. Not exactly the way to keep the young fans interested in the game.
Meanwhile, the umpiring in the series has been atrocious, with multiple of MLB's supposedly best umpires blowing easy calls and routinely calling strikes on pitches that are clearly out of the strike zone.
And just to make matters utterly unbearable, Fox Sports imposes senseless announcers Joe Buck and Tim McCarver on the few folks watching on television. These two babble on endlessly describing the utterly obvious without ever saying anything remotely insightful. Often, they say things that are simply flat wrong.
But as bad as the World Series has been, it's nothing compared to legendary Baylor and Chicago Bears linebacker Mike Singletary's first game this past Sunday as interim coach of the San Francisco 49'ers. Coach Singletary's post-game performance has already become an overnight YouTube sensation and is being touted as one of the all-time great coach tirades.
AP sportswriter Greg Beacham summed up Coach Singletary's bad first day at the office well:
Mike Singletary ended his head coaching debut by apologizing to 49ers fans above the locker room tunnel. Tight end Vernon Davis got sent to the showers like a petulant teenager, QB J.T. O’Sullivan was benched after his 11th fumble of the season, and the San Francisco defense let a 242-pound fullback catch two long touchdown passes.
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October 28, 2008
Placebo Nation
In light of this NY Times article reporting that half of American doctors responding to a nationwide survey regularly prescribe placebos to their patients, I pass along the following business opportunity, courtesy of the ever-clever Dr. Boli:
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October 19, 2008
Why some people should not vote
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October 18, 2008
The shame!
You know things are really getting bad in the financial markets when FT.com's always-lively Dear Lucy column (previous post here) receives the following letter from an investment banker:
"At a dinner party last Saturday I was asked by a fellow guest what I did and I said I was an investment banker. I might as well have said I was a paedophile. Suddenly the whole table – all friends of my wife from the art world – turned on me with such venom I was really taken aback. I tried to defend myself by saying that I had nothing to be ashamed of in the work that I do in M&A, but the more I argued the more hostile the other guests became."
"Next time this happens – and I fear there will be a next time – should I accept guilt for what isn’t my fault, or should I lie and say I’m a librarian?"
Investment banker, male, 42
Among the many entertaining reader comments to the letter were the following:
"Bit surprised you were invited to dinner in the first place."
"Confess and beg for another glass of wine."
"A sensitive investment banker……….. whatever next?"
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October 8, 2008
Campaigning in 2008
Although things aren't going so well for the McCain-Palin campaign, it looks as if they have at least locked up The Villages, the golf-course retirement community in Florida that runs those cheesy commercials during PGA Tour golf tournament telecasts:
With thousands of supporters packing the streets and sidewalks of this massive retirement community, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin took the safe route Sunday and said she and John McCain would reform Washington, put America on the path to energy independence and nurse a struggling economy back to health. [ . . . ]
At one point while signing autographs for the sweltering crowd, a surprised Palin laughed when a supporter reached over and handed her a giant, plastic lipstick replica -- an obvious reference to a joke delivered by Palin at the Republican National Convention. Palin's comment about the only difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom being lipstick has since inspired a volley of campaign rhetoric. As the crowd cheered, a smiling Palin autographed the novelty before moving on for more autographs and handshakes.
Meanwhile, it appears that the Obama-Biden campaign has conceded The Villages to McCain-Palin. At least that's what Senator Biden seems to indicate in the video below:
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October 5, 2008
Did McCain choose the wrong Palin?
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October 4, 2008
Therapy, Jack Donagy-style
Whew! After the past couple of weeks, we all could use a little levity.
The creator and star of NBC's clever sitcom 30 Rock -- Tina Fey -- has been getting quite a bit of publicity lately because of her spot-on impersonation of GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin. But the real star of 30 Rock is Alec Baldwin, who plays Jack Donaghy, the self-important television executive who oversees the fictional television show that 30 Rock revolves around.
In the clip below, Baldwin's Donagy helps counsel Tracy Morgan’s character (who is the star of the fictional TV show) through a therapeutic role-playing session that a psychologist has arranged at Donagy's request to bring Morgan out of a personal crisis. In just over two minutes, Baldwin resolves the root cause of Morgan's crisis (estrangement from his family) by assuming the roles of Morgan’s father (a black man from "funky North Philly" with a droopy lip), Morgan’s mother, the white boyfriend of Morgan's mother, Morgan himself and a Hispanic neighbor of the family, Mrs. Rodriguez.
Television these days doesn't get any better than this.
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October 1, 2008
Awkward Loan Interview
The proposed Treasury bailout leads to an awkward loan interview:
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September 26, 2008
Lord, help us!
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September 21, 2008
This is too easy
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September 10, 2008
Movies in five words each
What with Hurricane Ike scheduled to bear down on the upper Texas Gulf coast over the weekend and the Texans looking as pathetic as ever, we could use a bit of levity around here.
So, check out The AFI Top 100 Movies... In 5 Words Each (H/T Craig Newmark). Several good ones include:
2) Casablanca (1942): Great love story. Plus: Nazis!
32) The Godfather Part II (1974): Advice: stop after this one.
42) Rear Window (1954): Watch a guy watch guys.
Following on the movies theme, if you have a spare ten minutes, check out this incredible YouTube video entitled "100 Movies, 100 Quotes, 100 Numbers."
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September 4, 2008
Election 2008
Inasmuch as the 2008 U.S. Presidential campaign resembles a high school student council race in terms of sophistication, it appears that Jon Stewart and Comedy Central are going to have a field day between now and Election Day. Below are a recent segments on the "substance" of Obama's campaign and McCain's VP selection:
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August 27, 2008
The genesis of a mortgage fraud hotspot
Dealbreaker's essential Opening Bell yesterday included the following note about the connection between the state of Florida and mortgage fraud:
Florida tops 1Q mortgage fraud list (AP)
This is not surprising... Florida is already a key location of the housing bubble. What's more, Florida tops every fraud list. Hello, Boca Raton? Clearwater? These cities are to fraud what Hungary is to Paprika. It's an industry. Plus, doesn't Florida have really lax mortgage/bankruptcy laws as it is?
However, what's most interesting about Florida is how relatively well the state has turned out given its checkered history. In his fine Throes of Democracy: The American Civil War Era 1829-1877 (HarperCollins 2008) (earlier blog post here), Walter A. McDougall provides the following colorful overview of Florida's evolution from the epitome of a backwater port:
From the day of the of the pirates to our day of offshore bank accounts, hedonistic resorts, and drug smuggling, Americans have found in the Caribbean an escape from their own laws and morals. The sand spit that Juan Ponce de Leon baptized La Florida was no exception.
In 1595, the Spaniards garrisoned Saint Augustine, the oldest European settlement on what became U.S. soil; and over a century Franciscans founded thirty-two missions to proselytize the Indians. But the province, which was 300 miles wide at the Panhandle and 400 miles long on the Atlantic coast, remained a derelict.
The whole Spanish navy could not have policed its 8,246 miles of tidal coastline, nor could the army police its 54,000 square miles of jungle and swamp. Nor could either defend the Indians from European infectious diseases or from the renegade Creeks they called cimarrones (whence “Seminoles”).
By the nineteenth century, the Native American Floridians were dead, the European population was measured in hundreds, and the whole peninsula from the Apalachicola River to Key West served as a refuge for Tampa Bay buccaneers, mutineers, deserters, fugitive slaves, Seminoles, and plunderers of shipwrecks (a frequent occurrence, especially during the hurricane season).
John Quincy Adams cited the anarchy as justification for the treaty of 1819 ceding Florida to the United States. But he was pretentious to think Americanization would ensure law and order. The mostly poor, mostly Scots-Irish “crackers” who spilled into the Panhandle had no patience for government. Hot blood, hot sunshine, laws so variable that even judges could not parse them, no jails, no constables, and plenty of places to hide encouraged “ingenious rascality.” Florida was “a rogue’s paradise.” [ . . .]
. . . [V]irtue was in short supply, not only among the murderers, gamblers, slavers, squatters, and drunks who poured over the border from Georgia, but among the erstwhile elite. One feud over banking provoked two duels, a murder and a lynching that left all parties dead. In 1827, Ralph Waldo Emerson found Tallahassee “a grotesque place . . . settled by public officers, land speculators, and desperadoes.” . . . [. . .]
The Jacksonian hatred of banks likewise prevailed. So stringent were the state’s restrictions that no state banks were chartered until the legislature itself chartered one in 1855. Education? The same story. In 1851, the state founded “seminaries” to train teachers at Ocala (parent of the University of Florida) and Tallahassee (the future Florida State University), but as late as 1860 the state counted just ninety-seven schools with 8,494 pupils.
The government showed vigor only in the enforcement of slave codes and the repression of free Negroes. As the state’s population rose from 87,445 in 1850 to 140,424 by 1860, the percentage of slaves remained above 40 percent. Disciplining that underclass was everyone’s business. Policing white people’s behavior was pretty much left up to the women and the Baptist and Methodist clergy. [. . .]
. . . Today [Florida] is home to Disney World, the space program, South Beach and golf and retirement complexes. But the original Florida will never die out so long as "darkies" gather in jook joints to dance the jubilee (jitterbug), bumper stickers proclaim "Redneck and Proud of it," policeman cruise with alcoholic "roaders" in hand, and transplanted Yankees are taught that "blacks is blacks, but there ain't nothin' sorrier than po' white trash."
Mortgage fraud doesn't sound all that out of place there, now does it? ;^)
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August 25, 2008
Joe Cocker, captioned for the clear-headed
Come to think of it, I always have wondered what lyrics Joe Cocker was singing during his famous rendition of "With a Little Help from My Friends" at Woodstock in 1969 (H/T Craig Newmark).
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August 19, 2008
Say what, Doc?
Inasmuch as my family and social groups include a large number of medical doctors, I've noticed that the slang that the docs use when they are talking shop can be incomprehensible at times. That's why this comprehensive list of Doctor's Slang, Medical Slang and Medical Acronyms will come in handy. A few good ones:
"Blade" -- Surgeon: dashing, bold, arrogant and often wrong, but never in doubt (very much appreciated by the primary care doctors);
"Captain Kangaroo" -- chairman of the pediatrics department;
"DTMA" -- Stands for "Don't Transfer to Me Again";
"Fonzie" -- Unflappable medic;
"Improving His Claim" -- Victim of minor accident, needs no treatment but wants something to support his insurance/legal claim;
"Masochist" -- Trauma surgeon;
"Sadomasochist" - Neurosurgeon
"NOCTOR"-- A nurse who has done a 6 week training course and acts like she or he is a Doctor;
"Two beers" -- the number of beers every patient involved in an alcohol-related automobile accident claims to have drunk before the accident.
Check out the entire list. Those docs are a tough bunch.
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August 17, 2008
Fashion trends
Check out Esquire's slideshow (on the left below) illustrating the evolution of men's fashion over the past 75 years. Then, take a look at this Time Magazine slideshow (on the right below) exhibiting the worst of golf fashion over the past century.
My sense is that there is a connection.
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August 11, 2008
Barackroll
As political satire, the video below probably doesn't top this one, but it's close.
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August 5, 2008
Enunciate!
Come to think of it, I had a difficult time understanding Batman at times, too.
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August 3, 2008
"It's all your fault"
Julie Alexandria of the always-clever WallStrip explains how speculators became the latest business villains of the moment. Enjoy.
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August 2, 2008
The Waiting Game
Moira Hodgson's W$J review of waiter/blogger Steve Dublanica's new book -- Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip--Confessions of a Cynical Waiter -- is a rollicking good time. Check out Hodgson's analysis of the merits of Dublanica's background for waiting tables:
Considering some of the customers he has to deal with, Mr. Dublanica's background was the perfect training for his job: four years in a seminary studying to be a priest followed by work at rehab centers and homes for the mentally retarded. He says that 80% of the people he serves at The Bistro are perfectly nice; the rest are socially maladjusted psychopaths. He also has to contend with servers on drugs and an irritable, jumpy boss: "Like a soldier home from war, his eyes are always scanning the horizon for threats."
By the way, be careful about sending that food back to the kitchen:
The third time a woman sends back her de-caf coffee, saying it's not hot enough, he dumps regular coffee into her cup, places it in a 400-degree oven, takes it out with a pair of tongs and delivers it to her table. But that story pales beside Mr. Dublanica's account of a waiter who plays floor hockey in the kitchen with a returned hamburger patty before hosing it off and taking it back to the table.
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July 26, 2008
Remembering Sam Kinison
The late Sam Kinison is a comedy legend who was part of a group of comedians nicknamed the Comedy Outlaws (Ron Shock and Bill Hicks were two other prominent members) that got their start in Houston during the early 1980's, most often at the LaughStop on West Gray. Here is a hilarious video of Kinison on the Tonight Show, which includes Kinison's under-appreciated singing voice and a lively discussion between Kinison and Johnny Carson on the subject of divorce. Enjoy!
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July 17, 2008
Beijing = "People's Republic of Houston"?
"Beijing is flat and sprawling and smoggy and jammed with traffic and nearly all new, which is why an American friend who’s been working there for the last couple of years calls it 'the People’s Republic of Houston.'"
That's the opening of From Mao to Wow! by Kurt Anderson of Vanity Fair. He goes on to say that a more accurate comparison is Beijing now with New York City of a century ago.
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July 10, 2008
Which Starbucks stores are closing?
When Starbucks announced last week that it is closing 600 stores and laying off 12,000 employees, the company did not disclose which stores would be shuttered (got to get those lease buyouts finalized). However, that hasn't stopped word from filtering out into the Web on the location of the shuttered stores. The Seattle Times has already generated this Google map containing a large number of the anticipated store closings.
View Larger Map
However, the question that is on most Houstonians' minds has not been answered. Will Lewis Black's "End of the Universe" cease to exist after Starbucks is finished closing stores?
This clip includes video of the two stores as Black comments on the end of the universe on The Daily Show (H/T Life is a Thrill):
Update: Here is the full list of the stores that will be closing.
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July 2, 2008
Tiger's tournament enters the Tiger Chasm
The Tiger Chasm -- the widening netherworld of golf tournaments that don't attract much attention because Tiger Woods doesn't play in them -- has now swallowed even Tiger's own tournament, this weekend's AT&T National at Congressional Country Club in Washington, D.C.
Last year, most of the best PGA Tour players -- including Woods, Phil Mickelson, Adam Scott, Vijay Singh, Geoff Ogilvy, and Justin Rose -- played in the AT&T National. With Tiger resting after recent knee surgery, none of those players are competing this year and only two top-10 player in the World Rankings -- Steve Stricker and K.J. Choi -- are bothering to show up, and only Jim Furyk (13), Trevor Immelman (14), Anthony Kim (20), Aaron Baddeley(22) and Andres Romero (24) among the top 25 are in the field.
To make matters worse, tournament title sponsor AT&T cannot be particularly happy about forking over the big bucks only to have USA Today run the headline above in its article on the tournament. (H/T Geoff Shackelford).
Welcome to the Tiger Chasm.
By the way, this Bloomberg.com article analyzes the probable technique used to repair Woods' ACL during the surgery. Definitely worth a read.
7/08/08 Update: Thomas Bonk of the LA Times reports that the ratings for the Tiger-less AT&T National confirmed its entry into the Tiger Chasm:
In a word: bad. The overnight ratings for Sunday's fourth round of the AT&T National on CBS were down 48%, from a 2.9 to a 1.5. The third-round overnight ratings were down 35%, from a 2.0 to a 1.3.
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July 1, 2008
Tyson who?
I swear, you can't make this stuff up.
The American Family Association apparently has a policy over at its new outlet, OneNewsNow, never to use the word "gay" in an article. Instead, the AFA always replaces "gay" with the supposedly more proper "homosexual."
Unfortunately for the AFA, someone forgot to check the automated changing of the word "gay" to "homosexual" when the subject of the article was Tyson Gay, who on Sunday nearly set a world record in the 100 meter sprint.
Ed Brayton has the hilarious story, and here is the Google Cache of the article before the AFA caught their blunder and changed it.
Update: By midday today, even the mainstream media was all over the gaffe.
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June 28, 2008
U.S. Energy Policy
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June 26, 2008
Colbert on Hannity
Stephen Colbert channels Jessica Hagy in analyzing conservative talk-show host Sean Hannity.
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June 13, 2008
Cool Graph Friday
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June 8, 2008
Colbert v. Will
Clear Thinkers favorite Stephen Colbert finally meets his match -- syndicated columnist George Will:
By the way, check out Will's latest on Obama and McCain:
On Obama: "Obama's words mesmerize a nation accustomed to leaders who routinely use words with antic indifference to their accuracy."
On McCain: "If he really opposes torture, he will take pity on the public and master the use of a teleprompter."
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May 18, 2008
Nice comeback
Legendary defense lawyer Gerry Spence is defending Geoffrey Fieger on campaign finance charges in Detroit. Former Spence student Norm Pattis flew into the Motor City and took in a day of the trial last week. He passes along the following exchange that occurred while Spence was cross-examining a government witness:
Spence: "Can you tell me a case in the history of the world in which ..."
Prosecutor: "Objection."
Spence: "Okay, the United States."
Pattis' collected posts on the Fieger trial are here. Very interesting, to say the least.
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May 4, 2008
"Because you're not that guy. . ."
Beyond occasional gems such as John Adams or NBC's 30 Rock, I don't watch much television, so I'm pretty clueless on the latest TV ad campaigns. However, my wife and I laughed heartily last night when we saw this Helzberg Diamonds commercial below for the first time:
Much to my surprise, I discovered later that my amusement with the commercial apparently reflects my sexism to some folks. This post provides a bit more balanced perspective on the ad campaign.
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April 28, 2008
What to do about airline service?
Putting aside for the moment airline industry's seemingly intractable financial problems, lousy airline service has become such an issue that even Judge Posner and Gary Becker are trying to figure out what to do about it. At least painful airline service provides the fodder for this amusing segment of Brian Regan's stand-up comedy show:
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April 7, 2008
Acupuncture or fake acupuncture?
This Respectful Insolence blog post reports on yet another in an increasingly long line of medical studies that demonstrate that acupuncture is nothing more than an elaborate and fancy placebo. In this particular study involving patients in "true" acupuncture and "fake" acupuncture protocols, patients in the sham acupuncture group improved more than patients in the "true" acupuncture group.
My conclusion? On one hand, if you stick pins in people who are complaining about something, then some of them will eventually quit complaining. On the other hand, if you take pins out of some people who were previously complaining, then some of them will also stop complaining.
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March 30, 2008
Icahn on settling Pennzoil-Texaco with Jamail
This blog is mostly about business and law, so Carl Icahn's activities have been a frequent topic. Likewise, this blog also centers on Houston, where the Pennzoil v. Texaco case from the mid-1980's is a part of the city's storied legal lore. Consequently, the video below of Icahn doing his equivalent of a standup comedy routine describing how he settled the Pennzoil-Texaco case with famed Houston plaintiff's lawyer Joe Jamail is an absolute classic for this blog. A very big hat tip to John Carney at Dealbreaker for the link to the Icahn video.
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February 29, 2008
Indexed
Jessica Hagy has had a smart blog for awhile. Now, she has a smart book. Barry Ritholtz provides a taste of her work. She is a very insightful lady. Enjoy
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February 26, 2008
"Re"-examination?
Kevin Whited over at BlogHouston.net notices a little news you can use from Houston's leading news source:
The Chronicle ran a correction that was notable for its length today:
An article in Feb. 18 editions repeated charges made by Republican candidate for Congress Dean Hrbacek that a law firm, Williams & Jensen, had ties to Jack Abramoff. The article also cited reports that the firm's managing partner, L. Steven Hart, traveled with a group of government officials and lobbyists to Scotland to play golf.
After being contacted by Williams & Jensen concerning the accuracy of the article, the Houston Chronicle's re-examination has revealed that Hart's correct name is J. Steven Hart, that there is no credible evidence that Hart traveled to Scotland with government officials on one of Abramoff's trips or otherwise, and, also, that there is no credible evidence that Williams and Jensen has any "ties" to Abramoff or his lobbying activities.
Gosh, given the results of the Chron's re-examination, where was the research for the original examination performed? Over a beer at the local icehouse?
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February 20, 2008
Born Standing Up
Don't miss this Smithsonian.com excerpt from comedian Steve Martin's new autobiographical book, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life (Scribner 2007). Take, for example, Martin's hilarious description of the implementation of his novel theory of comedy in one of his initial shows:
A skillful comedian could coax a laugh with tiny indicators such as a vocal tic (Bob Hope's "But I wanna tell ya") or even a slight body shift. Jack E. Leonard used to punctuate jokes by slapping his stomach with his hand. One night, watching him on "The Tonight Show," I noticed that several of his punch lines had been unintelligible, and the audience had actually laughed at nothing but the cue of his hand slap.These notions stayed with me until they formed an idea that revolutionized my comic direction: What if there were no punch lines? What if there were no indicators? What if I created tension and never released it? What if I headed for a climax, but all I delivered was an anticlimax? What would the audience do with all that tension? Theoretically, it would have to come out sometime. But if I kept denying them the formality of a punch line, the audience would eventually pick their own place to laugh, essentially out of desperation. This type of laugh seemed stronger to me, as they would be laughing at something they chose, rather than being told exactly when to laugh.
To test my idea, I went onstage and began: "I'd like to open up with sort of a 'funny comedy bit.' This has really been a big one for me...it's the one that put me where I am today. I'm sure most of you will recognize the title when I mention it; it's the "Nose on Microphone" routine [pause for imagined applause]. And it's always funny, no matter how many times you see it."I leaned in and placed my nose on the mike for a few long seconds. Then I stopped and took several bows, saying, "Thank you very much." "That's it?" they thought. Yes, that was it. The laugh came not then, but only after they realized I had already moved on to the next bit.
Now that I had assigned myself to an act without jokes, I gave myself a rule. Never let them know I was bombing: this is funny, you just haven't gotten it yet. If I wasn't offering punch lines, I'd never be standing there with egg on my face. It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing. I would move through my act without pausing for the laugh, as though everything were an aside. Eventually, I thought, the laughs would be playing catch-up to what I was doing. Everything would be either delivered in passing, or the opposite, an elaborate presentation that climaxed in pointlessness. Another rule was to make the audience believe that I thought I was fantastic, that my confidence could not be shattered. They had to believe that I didn't care if they laughed at all and that this act was going on with or without them.
I was having trouble ending my show. I thought, "Why not make a virtue of it?" I started closing with extended bowing, as though I heard heavy applause. I kept insisting that I needed to "beg off." No, nothing, not even this ovation I am imagining, can make me stay. My goal was to make the audience laugh but leave them unable to describe what it was that had made them laugh. In other words, like the helpless state of giddiness experienced by close friends tuned in to each other's sense of humor, you had to be there.
At least that was the theory. And for the next eight years, I rolled it up a hill like Sisyphus.
My first reviews came in. One said, "This so-called 'comedian' should be told that jokes are supposed to have punch lines." Another said I represented "the most serious booking error in the history of Los Angeles music."
"Wait," I thought, "let me explain my theory!"
Martin also passes along an interesting observation about longtime Tonight Show host, Johnny Carson. It took some time for Martin to earn Carson's professional respect:
I was able to maintain a personal relationship with Johnny over the next 30 years, at least as personal as he or I could make it, and I was flattered that he came to respect my comedy. . . Johnny once joked in his monologue: "I announced that I was going to write my autobiography, and 19 publishers went out and copyrighted the title Cold and Aloof." This was the common perception of him. But Johnny was not aloof; he was polite. He did not presume intimate relationships where there were none; he took time, and with time grew trust. He preserved his dignity by maintaining the personality that was appropriate for him.
The excerpt also includes Martin's chance encounter with Elvis. Classic.
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The faux-analyst
One of the funniest things I read from this past weekend was this W$J article about the earnings conferences calls being crashed by a faux-analyst named Joe Herrick:
At least seven times just the past three weeks, a mystery caller has cleverly insinuated himself into the normally well-manicured ritual of the quarterly calls. As top executives of publicly traded companies respond to securities analysts' questions about their balance sheets, he impersonates a well-known analyst to get called upon. Then, usually declaring himself to be "Joe Herrick of Gutterman Research," he launches into his own version of analyst-speak."Congratulations on the solid numbers -- you always seem to come through in challenging times," he said to Leo Kiely, president and chief executive officer of Molson Coors Brewing Co., on Feb. 12, convincingly parroting the obsequious banter common to the calls. "Can you provide some more color as to what you are doing for your supply chain initiatives to reduce manufacturing costs per hectoliter, as you originally promised $150 million in synergy or savings to decrease working capital?"
Analysts say the caller's questions, though credibly phrased, are too off-target for a real analyst. It's more like "consultant-speak," says a disdainful Bryan Spillane, a Banc of America Securities analyst, a victim of one of Mr. Herrick's impersonations. Analysts deal with often-wonky financial details, but "savings per hectoliter" rarely comes up.But many CEO's have had more trouble telling the difference. Most have gamely tried to answer the questions. Mr. Kiely and two other Molson executives stuck politely with the caller through three detailed follow-ups. Timothy Wolf, the company's global chief financial officer, closed by telling him, "We think we will have some more positive encouraging things to share with you next month in New York," according to a transcript of the call. A Molson spokesman said that to him the caller sounded legitimate at the time. [. . .]
[On the Coca-Cola earnings conference call], Banc of America's Mr. Spillane, the earlier impersonation victim, posed a detailed question about how much of the company's currency-neutral operating profit growth was organic rather than coming from acquisitions or cost savings. "We hesitated on you for a minute because as we take these questions we are just trying to make sure that in fact you are who you say you are," Coke's chief financial officer, Gary Fayard, said before launching into an answer. "I am the real deal," Mr. Spillane replied.
All of which prompted the following crack from Mr. Juggles over at Long or Short Capital:
. . . the best part is that Joe Herrick asked questions that many companies tried to answer because, well, they were the same kind of inane crap questions that they EXPECT from your typical sell-side analyst.
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February 17, 2008
Letterman on body painting
David Letterman discusses body painting with Sports Illustrated cover girl Marisa Miller, who is a good sport about it all.
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February 6, 2008
Waxing philosophic on bad announcing
My standards for announcers of football games are not high, but it seemed to me that the Fox Sports announcing team of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman in last weekend's Super Bowl LXII game were unusually bad. For example, neither of them made much of Coach Belichick's dubious decision of going for it on 4th and 13 on the Giants 32 yard line rather trying a long field goal (49 yards) that is made easier by the pristine conditions in which the game was played. In particular, Aikman -- who has that annoying ability to say absolutely nothing of substance while reciting overlapping clichés -- could not bring himself to stop rhapsodizing about Tom Brady's "coolness under fire" despite the fact that Brady was missing badly on relatively easy passes while looking antsy in the pocket over the brutal pounding that he was enduring from the Giants' front seven.
Noting the same mediocrity in announcing quality, Michael Bérubé takes up another key call in the game and provides this imaginary dialogue between Buck and Aikman.
We can only dream. ;^)
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January 24, 2008
You think it's hard being a Houston sports fan?
As noted earlier here, it's not easy being a fan of Houston sports teams. But as difficult as that may be, it's nothing compared to the angst that long-suffering New York Jets fans are enduring as a result of having their two most-hated rivals in Super Bowl XLII:
Perhaps the only thing worse for Jets fans than watching their team finish 4-12 this season, is knowing the historic Feb. 3 matchup pits their big-brother co-tenants, the Giants, against Bill Belichick and the ever-villainous Patriots."I can't wait for this to be over," said [longtime Jets fan Ira] Lieberfarb, a 53-year-old auto-parts wholesaler and a regular caller on local sports-talk radio who attends virtually every Jets game, home and away. "Whichever team wins it, I'm going to suffer. I grew up in Sheepshead Bay getting abused by Giants fans and mostly everyone at my party will be Giants fans. I can't escape that. But I don't know a single Jets fan that could root for the Patriots and Belichick."
Which reminds me of the funny video below that chronicles the reaction of Jets fans to their team's horrible draft picks from over the years:
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January 9, 2008
No sympathy
This NY Times article from the other day reports on the increasing numbers of lawyers and doctors who are plagued by self-doubt (who'd have ever thought that?). Mr. Juggles over at Long & Short Capital has no sympathy:
To the lawyers:In case the Neiman Marcus purchases succeeded in lifting your morale and left you with the impression that what you did counted for something, please let me add some critical information: It doesn’t. This is why you are paid, on an hourly-adjusted basis, like a recent (2nd tier) college graduate.
To the doctors:
The fact that I was able to diagnose my own illness after 15 min on WebMD speaks to the value of your knowledge. Perhaps our relationship would be more productive if you would stop making me wait 3 days for an appointment (and 90 minutes once I get to the office) to diagnose a sinus infection that I already know I have. Give me the antibiotics without the self-importance. I will come see you again when I have something you can actually be helpful with. For instance, after I break my arm trying to carry my bonus home, I will come see you and you can set the cast. Until then, please stop whining.
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Marketing to the Obama generation
Midwesterner Larry Ribstein -- who is currently on leave from the University of Illinois Law School while teaching in New York City -- humorously experiences culture shock while shopping in the Big Apple.
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January 7, 2008
Colbert on Protestantism
Clear Thinkers favorite Stephen Colbert is back at it, this time taking dead aim at American Protestantism (Colbert is a Catholic) in his new book, I Am an American (and So Can You!) (Grand Central 2007). Ben Witherington has read the book and passes along Colbert's view on Religion from chapter 4:
Chapter 4 of the book is devoted to "Religion" and begins auspiciously with a quote from a Doobie Brothers song "Jesus is just alright with me." To this is added Colbert's retort-- "But are they alright with Jesus? Drop the reefer boys, and pick up a Bible!"His discussion of denominations begins with the reminder that the Roman Catholic Church is "the church." He adds "Catholics have many advantages over other Christians. One is marble. For the buck I put into the collection plate, I want some production value. That means a church, not some community center that doubles as basketball court. Also Catholics have saints-- more than 10,000 of them. They're like God's customer service reps, and each of them has a speciality." (p. 53).
But then he gets down to brass tacks with Protestanism, here defined as "This is a variant form of Christianity, or 'heresy'." He adds "Protestants don't make me angry as much as disappointed. Unlike the world's crazy made up religions, they're so close to getting it right. They're a single Pope away from reaching their full potential." (p. 53). He says that now that Protestants have had "their little 490 year protest, it's time to move on and stop dwelling in the past." Here's his blow by blow account of various Protestant denominations:
Episcopal Church: "Why don't Episcopalians just come out and say it-- their Anglicans! A bunch of Tory Loyalist Brito-philes...waiting for the day America let's her guard down and they can reinstate Henry VIII"
Methodist Church: "What, the Church of England wasn't heretical enough for you?"
Presbyterian Church: "Presbyterians are identical to Methodists except that one of them says "debt's" instead of "trespasses" in the Lord's prayer. Hundreds of years of bitter armed conflict has failed to resolve this difference. How many more lives must be lost?"
Baptist Church: "I'm a pious guy but even I have my limits. I draw the line right around spending eight hours in church every Sunday. Church should be a solemn 45 minutes to sit quietly and feel guilty, with donuts at the end to make you feel better. I don't go for a full day of singing, dancing, and rejoicing, no matter how nice the hats are. I prefer my Gospel monotonously droned to me from the pulpit, thank you very much."
Quaker Church: "There folks produced only two things I like--Oatmeal and Richard Nixon."
(all the above is on pp. 54-55).I will spare you his comments on Unitarians, Mormons, and Jews. He defines agnostics as "Atheists, without balls."
He also provides a svelte commentary on the nature of the Bible, for example stressing "After Jesus showed up, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up." (p. 57).
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Last chance for glory
This is one of the best ideas for a birthday party that I've seen in quite awhile.
My wife told me not to bother to sign up because she would kill me before I could even attend a practice. ;^)
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January 1, 2008
Vidal v. Mailer
Until coming across this recent Dick Cavett blog post, I had forgotten about the time that Gore Vidal and Norman Mailer showed up as guests on Cavett's old television show one evening in 1971. For a good laugh to start the New Year, check out Cavett's memories of the bizarre episode.
Happy New Year and here's hoping you have a great '08!
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December 23, 2007
That Christmas spirit between law partners
Christmas cheer from the incomparable Stu Rees of Stu's Views:
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December 18, 2007
The British have a way of putting things
Charlie Brooker, writing in The Guardian about the dreadful quality of Christmas season television commercials, nails the line of the day (H/T Tim Worstall) with regard to the latest ad featuring those British icons, the Spice Girls:
Speaking of embarrassments, the Spice Girls have managed to imbue their long-awaited comeback with all the glamour and class of a hurried crap in a service station toilet by whoring themselves out to Tesco. The first instalment, in which the Girl Power quartet try to hide from each other while shopping for presents, represents a important landmark for the performing arts: Posh Spice becomes the first human being in history to be out-acted by a shopping trolley.
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December 14, 2007
The Aggies are finally number 1!
It's been such a tough run for the Texas A&M football program this decade that some folks are now questioning the legitimacy of the Aggie football heritage. But not to worry. The Aggies are now number 1 -- in bass fishing!
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December 13, 2007
Procrastination flowchart
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December 12, 2007
Thoughts from a crowded commuter airplane cabin
Admit it. You've had similar thoughts.
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December 7, 2007
The world according to Americans
This map would be funnier if it wasn't so darn accurate.
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December 5, 2007
Now that's pressure
(Dom Furore/Golf Digest photo) My old friend and prominent Las Vegas criminal defense attorney David Chesnoff introduced me to the late Evel Knievel back in the mid-1980's when we bumped into him while playing golf at Las Vegas Country Club. That led to an afternoon of David telling me stories about the high-stakes Vegas golf games in which Knievel regularly played, a good number of which involved Knievel's legendary ability to hold up well under extraordinary pressure.
Knievel's death last week reminded me of another story about Knievel thriving under pressure that Knievel told in this Golf Digest inteview from a couple of years ago:
I was playing 21 at the Aladdin in Las Vegas, betting $10,000 a hand. Arnold Palmer and Winnie are standing right behind me, watching. And I'm losing. The dealer is pulling 20 every time, and although I'm pulling my share of 20s, too, I can't win a hand, and I'm losing a lot of money. And I'm getting really angry. The next hand he deals me a 20, and he's got a face card showing. I'm certain he has 20, and I just can't bear tying again. So I ask for a hit.The dealer freaks out, shuts the table down and screams for Ash Resnick, who runs the casino. Ash comes along and is told I want to hit 20. He looks at me for a long time and then says, "Give the kid a hit." The dealer gives me an ace, and when I turn around, Arnold's eyes are this big, and Winnie looks like she's going to be sick.
"I know what pressure is," Arnold said, "but you're too much."
Read the entire interview here.
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November 30, 2007
The key issue in the 2008 Presidential race
As usual, the Onion identifies the issue with precision:
Poll: Bullshit Is Most Important Issue For 2008 Voters
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November 19, 2007
"In the Hamptons"
As economists such as Nouriel Roubini increasingly predict a recession and a hard landing for the U.S. economy, Merle Hazard channels Merle Haggard, Arthur Laffer, Milton Friedman, Mac Davis, Ben Bernanke and Elvis -- to name just a few -- in expressing Wall Street's current trepidation. It doesn't get any better than "In the Hamptons" (H/T to the NY Times via Larry Ribstein):
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November 17, 2007
The managing partner
The incomparable Stu Rees of Stu's Views passes along a common experience shared by most attorneys who have had the "pleasure" of managing a law firm:
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November 15, 2007
The Philly reaction to the Lidge deal
Tuck depicts the quintessential Philadelphia reaction to the Lidge deal.
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November 1, 2007
A Halloween harbinger?
From the incomparable Stu Rees of Stu's Views:
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October 26, 2007
Comfort Inn's nightmare
Key tip to Comfort Inn: don't ever -- ever -- take Megan McArdle's room reservation and then don't provide her with a room.
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October 14, 2007
For your Sunday enjoyment . . .
First, the somewhat geeky but very funny Yoram Bauman, the Standup Economist:
And clarifying the differences between Persians and Arabs, the quite clever Maz Jobrani:
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October 9, 2007
An interesting variation on the Nigerian email scam
I've had my email address for a long time, so I get a receive a lot of spam, which I ignore.
However, I thought I'd already seen every possible variation of the Nigeriam email scam imaginable, but I have to admit the one below that I received a few days ago is more imaginative than most:
From: rebzxxxxxxxxxxxx@peoplepc.comLuciano Pavarotti (Next Of Kin)
Dear Sir,
My writing to you should be surprising but it’s not a mistake because I believe that I could confide in you on this business deal which would be highly beneficial to both of us only that you should promise me that you would not disappoint me at the conclusion of this deal. The main reason why I am contacting you today is to seek your assistance but firstly let me introduce myself before proceeding to the purpose of this letter.
I am Graham Robson Wallace from London in the United Kingdom and I worked as a personal assistant and attorney to one Luciano Pavarotti who died of pancreatic cancer on the September 06, 2007. I was so close to him that on the 27th of June 2005, before his untimely death, he deposited the sum of Thirty-Seven Million Dollars (US$37M) in the custody of a Security Company in London and Holland and this deposit was made known to me alone. The problem now is that these Security Company has written to me few days ago requesting that I provide the beneficiary and next of kin to the deposited fund hence the real depositor is dead.
I would have claimed the money but the company already knows me as the late Luciano Pavarotti's attorney and personal assistant. So that is why I am contacting you just to present you as the bonafide beneficiary and next of kin to the said fund and I would provide all necessary documents to back up the claim but you must promise me that you won’t disappear into tin air by the time the fund is remitted into you account and also bare in mind that you would be entitled to 35% of the said fund, though the percentage sharing is negotiable.
Please signify your interest by providing me the following: This is to enable me commence immediate preparation of all legal document that will back up our claim.
1. Full Name :
2. Your Telephone Number and Fax Number
3. Your Contact Address.Your urgent response will be highly appreciated.
Best regards,
Mr. Graham R. Wallace
Based on this earlier post about the late Pavarotti, it doesn't sound as if he had $37 million laying around to give to Mr. Wallace. ;^)
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September 27, 2007
Shasta talks about the Duck mugging
We all got a few chuckles over the Oregon Duck mascot's mugging of the Houston Cougar mascot during the football game between the two institutions' teams earlier this season.
Well, the UH student newspaper provides this follow-up article on the student -- Kinesiology major Matt Stolt -- who mans the Cougar mascot costume. Stolt turns out to be a gentleman who handled the incident and the aftermath with admirable maturity and good nature. Bully for him!
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Coach Fran's strategy even has Ahmadinejad baffled
The picture on the left appeared on a Texas A&M football message board -- which is still reeling from the Aggies' debacle last Thursday against Miami -- with the following caption:
"Jovorskie Lane finish with 2 carries for 2 yards. How is this possible?"
The TV Tan Line has more.
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September 22, 2007
The ultimate jury verdict
Stuart M. Rees of Stu's Views nails it again in depicting the true thoughts of most juries.
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September 20, 2007
More on "Book'em Horns"
The legal problems of current and recent Texas Longhorn football players prompted this Book'em Horns post awhile back, but yesterday's news that yet another Longhorn football player had been arrested on criminal charges generated a new round of barbs toward the Longhorns, including the farked message below on the Godzillitron at UT's Royal-Memorial Stadium. Things have gotten so bad that Austin sports columnist Kirk Bohls is wondering whether the UT football team has replaced the University of Miami as the bad boys of big-time college football?
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September 5, 2007
Ida Mae reports on the Horns
Those Texas Longhorns are playing football again (albeit not very impressively), so it's time for Ida Mae Crimpton to provide the inside scoop on the Horns first game, straight from her front porch in beautiful Elgin, Texas. According to Ida Mae, the first game was bad, but the after-the-game Longhorn locker room was much worse:
And based on what Mack's wife, Sally, told me, it wasn't any picnic in the locker room after the game, either. Sally said that Mack really read the guys the riot act. He yelled at them and told them that after the way they played, they didn't need to expect any post-game orange Gatorade, either (and he was true to his word, too…he made them stand in line at the water cooler). And then when Offensive Coordinator Greg Davis got back from gassing up Mack's car and bringing it around (he also lets the air conditioner run for a while so it's nice and cool when Mack gets in to drive home), he told the offense how disappointed he was. He said that Mack had every right to be pissed off and that they would be doing double drills this coming week in preparation for TCU. Well, that made the guys groan, let me tell you. It was a pretty glum locker room…you'd have thought we'd lost or something.
But that's not all. Read the entire piece.
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August 31, 2007
On the Billable Hour
A couple of interesting posts recently on the scourge of the business community -- the billable hour -- gives me the opportunity to pass along the cartoon on the left from the always-insightful Stuart M. Rees of Stu's Views.
First, local law school blawger Luke Gilman provides a compendium of links and analysis to his comprehensive review of the state of the billable hour. Meanwhile, Peter Lattman over at the WSJ Law Blog provides this post on the breaking of the heretofore sacrosanct $1,000-an-hour billing rate, which includes local attorney Steve Susman's classic observation that he charges in excess of a grand per hour "to discourage anyone hiring me" on an hourly basis.
Me, I continue to subscribe to the theory that I won't charge an hourly rate that is higher than I could afford to pay if I need to hire an attorney. ;^)
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August 30, 2007
Legal ethics -- an oxymoron?
The discussion began last week when the New York Times ethicist, Randy Cohen, ran the following question in his column:
I am a lawyer. During a first date with another lawyer, we had sex, and I wore a condom. Days later, when I came down with a bad fever and couldn’t determine the cause, she revealed that she had genital herpes. A judgeship will soon open up in her county, and she’s a near lock for it. But if I report her lapse of sexual ethics, I doubt that the selection committee will pick her. Should I? — NAME WITHHELD
Cohen replied as follows:
You should not. No doubt your paramour acted dreadfully. She should have told you that she had herpes and let you decide whether you wished to accept that risk. But the selection committee is not choosing a role model for the kids or someone to ride the express elevator to heaven; it seeks a person who will excel at a particular job. I do not believe that this sort of sexual misconduct correlates with an inability to be a good judge. [. . .]Some private conduct does bespeak an inability to do a job. A would-be jurist who belonged to the Klan or even one who regularly used racist slurs would not inspire confidence in his or her ability to dispense equal justice to all. You should come forward with relevant information like that. But being unscrupulous in bed does not presage being inept on the bench, and so you should keep this demoralizing episode to yourself. And your doctor.
So, then Peter Lattman over at the WSJ Law Blog ran a post on Cohen's column and all hell broke loose in the comment section to Lattman's post. A few choice ones:
"Who cares! Sue the condom maker!""Great question! I am posing it to my Professional Responsibility students immediately. Thanks for the help."
"Leave it up to bunch of lawyers to discuss medicine. Totally absurd. The law profession is essentially an STD of society, recurring pain and not curable. As far as I am concerned, this is medically inaccurate and you all deserve the real disease."
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August 25, 2007
The charm of capitalism
Scott Adams figures out the essential charm of capitalism:
I understand the math of capitalism, and how the few successes are so large they pay for all the failures and then some. But at any given moment, the majority of resources in a capitalist system are being pushed over a cliff by morons. This fascinates me. And it’s clearly the reason that humans rule the earth. We found a system to harness the power of stupid.
Read the entire post.
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August 19, 2007
The risk of demagoguery
Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards' demagoguery has been a frequent topic on this blog, so I read with interest this Larry Ribstein post that analyzes Edwards' latest hypocrisy -- lambasting the actions of subprime lenders on the campaign trail while profiting from a company that invests substantial amounts in subprime lenders.
Meanwhile, the Onion brilliantly captures the essence of Edwards' vacuity in this article with the headline "John Edwards Vows To End All Bad Things By 2011."
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August 17, 2007
Threatening where it hurts
When managing my former law firm, I never resorted to the tactic depicted in the cartoon on the left. But I wish I had thought of it. ;^)
The delightful Stuart M. Rees of Stu's Views nails it again.
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August 15, 2007
Hugh Laurie sings my kind of protest song
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August 5, 2007
The Cocktail Party Nightmare
My wife contends that she has endured precisely the same experience as the woman depicted in the cartoon on the left by the incomparable Stuart M. Rees of Stu's Views.
By the way, from several years ago, here is a short bio on Stu, who is a talented -- and very clever -- fellow.
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July 30, 2007
"Hook'em Barry?"
It's not been a good off-season for the University of Oklahoma Sooners football team.
First, there was this popular entry in the Wizard of Odds' digital billboard contest.
Then, that was followed by the NCAA leveling additional sanctions on the OU program, including making the Sooners vacate their 8 wins during the 2005 season and extending the program's probation through 2010.
But the above is nothing compared to legendary Sooners head coach Barry Switzer flashing the "Hook'em Horns" sign (hat tip Jay Christensen) with Texas head coach, Mack Brown.
Or maybe Coach Switzer had something else in mind than "Hook'em Horns?"
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July 22, 2007
"Hook'em what?"
This Washington Post article reports on a U.S. Joint Forces Command commissioned Rand Corp. study that examines how U.S. credibility is often undermined when American media images are misinterpreted in foreign countries. Supporters of the University of Oklahoma and Texas A&M University will be happy to learn that the picture on the left of President Bush and others flashing the University of Texas' famous "Hook'em Horns" gesture was used as one of the study's examples, with the following description:
Background: President Bush makes a "hook'em horns" gesture familiar to University of Texas fans during the 2005 inaugural parade.Rand Commentary: "Unfortunately, that particular gesture is not unique to Texas, and it carries different meanings elsewhere in the world. Norwegians seeing the image were shocked to see the president of the United States making the 'Sign of the devil.' Mediterranean viewers and those in parts of Central and South America . . . saw the president indicating that someone's wife was unfaithful."
Also looks like excellent material for the Marching Owl Band's halftime performance during Rice's September 22nd game against UT. ;^)
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July 4, 2007
A 4th of July treat
I don't know about you, but I didn't know that Kevin Spacey is almost as good an impressionist as he is an actor. Enjoy!
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July 3, 2007
Now, that's a home office
The concept of the home office has been elevated to an entirely new level.
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June 25, 2007
Defending Stoogology
Christopher Hitchens wrote this Vanity Fair piece earlier this year in which he explains why men are generally funnier than women. Dubuque (Iowa) Tribune-Herald columnist Rebecca Christian took offense to Hitchens' article (her column is not online) and, in so doing, made several disparaging remarks regarding those icons of American male comedy, The Three Stooges. Those are fightin' words to the Kirkendall brothers, prompting this letter to the editor (registration required) from my brother Matt, which provides as follows:
Dear Editor:I am responding to a recent column from Saturday columnist, Ms. Rebecca Christian. She wrote expressing her irritation at a Vanity Fair article by Christopher Hitchens, but included in this a general meditation on women's inability to appreciate male humor. Unfortunately, she made several disparaging remarks about the Three Stooges with some particularly cheap shots directed at Curly.
In this way, she demonstrated a woeful lack of appreciation of the Three Stooges and by implication the entire male philosophical discipline known as "Stoogology" -- the study of the Three Stooges and their impact on society. Her comments demand a response.
She is correct in her assertion that women generally do not understand the Stooge phenomenon. For men, however, the Stooges provide a framework to develop an understanding of the world and their place in it.
One of the most important and time honored responsibilities of any father is passing on to his son a passion and proper respect for the Three Stooges.
In their unique way, the Stooges teach valuable life lessons that all men can identify with and can use to try to fashion their own lives. Some of these lessons include:
* Life can be painful (i.e. eye pokes, face slaps).
* Question authority (be it as a teacher, plumber, census taker, columnist; most any job can be pretty much made up as you go along).
* Despite your best efforts whatever you do may not be appreciated (ex: a pie in the face).
These are tough lessons to be sure. It is a choice, you can spend thousands of dollars and years of their lives sending your sons to university to study obscure philosophers to learn these lessons, or you can allow them to watch Stooge shorts on men focused cable channels to learn the same things.
An added advantage is that even basic Stooge knowledge can be broadening as it allows your son to come to appreciate other important social commentary of our time such as that provided by Benny Hill, Monty Python, ESPN commercials, and many others.
Several years ago, a national magazine proposed that every man's personality type could be summarized as being one of the Three Stooges.
Most men are Larry; they just want to get along with everyone. The forceful personality types are Moe. These are the guys that run businesses, are corporate types and are generally SOBs.
It was in fact the Curlys, that women found most fascinating. One woman noting, "I would marry a Larry, but dating a Curly would be the most fun." Curlys tend to be exciting and prone to excess. Typically they burn out early. Unfortunately, this describes the life of the real Curly, Jerome Horowitz, who was famous for his girlfriends, several wives and dying at a young age.
Other famous Curly types have included Marlon Brando, Babe Ruth, Elvis and John Lennon. Significantly, former President Bill Clinton was felt to be a Curly, whereas, President George W. Bush was classified as a Shemp. Go figure.
Within this framework, the columnist Christopher Hitchens can be classified as a Curly. He is prone to polemical excess and his schtick is to be controversial. He tries to impress the girls with his vocabulary, his British accent and his peculiar worldview.
However, the TH columnist should not take her dislike of Mr. Hitchens' column as an excuse to condemn Curlys as a whole. In that way, she is insulting a large part of the male population and she may be seriously limiting her options for fun dating in the future. She should remember that in the end: "Soitenly, we all are just victims of coicumstance, N'yuk, N'yuk, N'yuk!"
Matthew J. Kirkendall
Dubuque, IA.
Kirkendall is a physician at Dubuque Internal Medicine.
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June 20, 2007
How Not to use PowerPoint
Comedian Don McMillan nails it in this hilarious video. It's a must view for anyone who has ever endured a bad PowerPoint presentation (is there anyone left who has not?). Hat tip to Craig Newmark.
Meanwhile, the WSJ's ($) technology columnist Lee Gomes takes a look at the status of PowerPoint on its 20th (!) birthday.
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June 15, 2007
Enjoy some laughs with Robin Williams
One of my sons and I had a good laugh together watching this David Letterman interview of Robin Williams from a couple of years ago, so I am passing it along for you to enjoy at your leisure. Who other than Williams could, in the course of a 15-minute interview, generate laughs on subjects as diverse as the U.S. legal system, jury duty, golf announcers, linguistics, family therapy, acting with his daughter, welding, baseball, Barry Bonds, and Christopher Reeve? The first excerpt of the interview is below and the three other excerpts from the interview are after the hyperlinked break below:
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June 14, 2007
Probably not the best spokesman for home schooling
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May 31, 2007
Voting in the Wiz's Digital Billboard Contest
You can now vote for your favorite submission in Jay Christensen's college football-digital billboard competition (previous posts here and here).
With this late submission, University of Texas supporters now have a tough choice between that one and this earlier submission.
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May 25, 2007
Checking in on the annual Cannes Vanity Fair Party
Reports on the social affairs surrounding the Cannes Film Festival don't usually interest me much, but WaPo's William Booth does a great job of placing the annual Vanity Fair party in perspective:
The annual Vanity Fair Oscar party in Los Angeles is now an institution filled to the rafters with Hollywood celebrities, our celebrities, the ones in our tabloids. This Cannes VF gig is different. Here it's London socialite Jemima Khan, the ex-wife of Pakistani cricketer Imran Khan, daughter of Lady Annabel Goldsmith. She's hot. She's smart. She's rich. She's huge. But we are going to confess this as an innocent abroad: We kinda had to Google her.
Read the entire clever piece.
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May 24, 2007
Pros and Cons of the Top 20
Democratic Party Presidential Candidates
John Moe provides the fun. My favorite:
5. JOE BIDENPro: Technically still running for president.
Con: Dude. Come on.
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May 10, 2007
UT's favorite billboard
It's still five months until the annual Texas-OU Weekend in Dallas, but the Texas-OU rivalry is big news any time of the year. So, this billboard from the Wizard of Odd's ongoing digital billboard competition will definitely warm the hearts of the Longhorn faithful.
Update: Watch out, Longhorn fans. Phil Miller is already leading the counteroffensive.
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May 4, 2007
The Nanny State on overdrive
A nice couple with a couple of adopted young chidren also enjoys adopting rescue dogs — those dogs that are ignored, abandoned, malnourished, and mistreated. After two of the family dogs passed away, the couple decides its time for a family outing to the local SPCA to adopt a new dog for the family. The couple picks out a lovable St. Bernard, but the SPCA representatives balk at approving the couple's request to adopt the dog. Interesting interaction results, but the bottom line is that the couple has "been declared fit to adopt two baby girls, but unfit to adopt a dog." Read the entire incredible story.
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March 19, 2007
Just a quick note between friends
27 year-old PGA Tour golfer Sergio Garcia is the subject of this Golf World photoshoot and interview, in which he passes along that one of his best friends on the PGA Tour is the 26 year-old Englishman, Luke Donald.
Last year, when Donald passed Garcia in the World Golf Rankings for the first time, Garcia describes the text message that he received from Donald:
"Hi, No. 9. This is No. 8."
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March 17, 2007
Oh My!
As if the image of controversial fight promoter Don King having an audience with Pope Benedict XVI isn't strange enough, things almost got completely out of hand when the New York Post ran a short report about King's upcoming meeting with the Pope:
When Ana Carril-Grumberg read on [New York Post column] Page Six yesterday that boxing promoter Don King is scheduled to meet Pope Benedict XVI next week, she called us to say that King's son, Eric, owes her $5,250 in child support for their daughter Nathalie, 16. "I want the pope to intervene," Carril-Grumberg said. From Paris, King responded, "I didn't sleep with her. My son may be a naughty boy, but he's a grown man." King characterized Carril-Grumberg as a gold-digger: "She thought she was striking gold, oil actually, because it's black," laughed King. But getting serious, he said, "I'll ask my son when I get back. If he's got obligations, I'll tell him to take care of them."
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March 15, 2007
The Law of Unintended Consequences
According to this Bloomberg article, it's alive and well in Switzerland:
Switzerland entered a treaty with the European Union to import workers, seeking more bankers, managers and academics.What it got was an influx of prostitutes.
The number of people offering sex for money has risen by a third in Zurich and 80 percent in Geneva since Switzerland opened its borders to workers from the 15 EU-member states at the start of 2004, police estimate. Some lawmakers predict prostitution will grow even more after the government last year removed work restrictions for residents from 10 newer EU countries as well.
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February 22, 2007
Observations of the Week
Two observations from earlier in the week resonated with me.
First, in this post, Jane Galt made the following pithy observation about the fallacy of reliance on governmental regulation:
"The post below also applies to behavioural economics, which the left seems to believe is a magical proof of the benevolence of government intervention, because after all, people are stupid, so they need the government to protect them from themselves. My take is a little subtler than that:1) People are often stupid
2) Bureaucrats are the same stupid people, with bad incentives."
Then, during his monologue on Tuesday night's Tonight Show, Jay Leno observed the following about the cable television news networks' fascination (obsession?) with certain recent news events:
"Well, the big story in the news is that Britney Spears shaved her head. Can you believe this? Legitimate news organizations are actually breaking into their Anna Nicole Smith coverage to tell you this."
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February 20, 2007
It's Black Rhino by a nose!
Although I find the NBA All-Star game and related activities excrutiatingly boring, I must admit that the challenge race (see video below) between former NBA great Charles Barkley and 67 year old, veteran NBA referee Dick Bavetta was pretty darn funny. Barkley -- who weighed in at a stout 325 lbs. -- had a classic line upon regaining his breath after winning the race. Checking out the $50,000 oversized check that signified the contribution being made to the Las Vegas Boys and Girls Club as a result of the race, Barkley -- who has been known to spend some time at the Vegas betting tables -- exclaimed proudly:
"We're giving two blackjack hands to charity!"
Unfortunately, the video clip below doesn't include the clever scene that TNT showed earlier in the evening of the stout Barkley "training" for the race by doing "situps" (moving only his head) while eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
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February 6, 2007
But do they have WiFi?
It was a tough day for yuppies yesterday as this Consumer Reports analysis concluded that good ol' fashioned McDonald's coffee was superior to Starbuck's in taste testing. But both McDonald's and Starbucks are going to have a hard time competing with the new coffee franchise described in this LA Times article:
On a quick break from his job as a trash hauler, Rob Chapman was in the mood for some coffee. So he pulled his truck into the Sweet Spot Cafe, a drive-through espresso stand on busy Aurora Avenue here in the Seattle suburbs."Do you want a Wet Dream or the Sexual Mix today, honey?" asked barista Edie Smith, dressed in a tight-fitting yellow blouse that did a less than fully effective job of covering her cleavage. She leaned down in the window, perhaps all the closer to hear his order. He chose the first option: a coffee with white chocolate, milk and caramel sauce.
It is possible, of course, that Chapman and the dozens of other drive-by customers at the parking lot stand one recent morning stopped by only for the coffee.
But, as Chapman dryly observed, "I do enjoy coming here more than Starbucks."
In a way, it is perhaps stunning that it took so long for entrepreneurs here to figure out that coffee, the fabled Seattle obsession, mixes very well with sex, the fabled human obsession.
But apparently it does, to judge from the growing number of steamy espresso stands that have popped up around the region in the last year or so.
At the Sweet Spot here in Shoreline, the Natte Latte in Port Orchard and the Bikini Espresso in Renton, not to mention the multi-stand Cowgirls Espresso, the term "hot coffee" has clearly taken on a whole new meaning.
It's safe to say that it's only a matter of time before this type of coffee shop catches on in Houston.
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February 2, 2007
Make sure they serve coffee
Norm Pattis over at Crime & Federalism isn't impressed with the following offering by the University of Connecticut School of Law this semester:
Seminar: Therapeutic Jurisprudence 692Professor: Robert G. Madden, LCSW, JD
Course Description: Therapeutic Jurisprudence is an interdisciplinary approach to law that focuses on the impact of legal rules, processes and institutions on people's emotional lives and psychological well-being. Using this perspective, the course examines recent developments in several areas, including collaborative divorce law; creative problem solving; the establishment of drug treatment, domestic violence, mental health and other specialized courts; preventive law; procedural and restorative justice; and alternative dispute resolution. Readings include materials from psychology, criminology, social work, and other disciplines. The course is designed to emphasize how therapeutic jurisprudence may enrich the practice of law through the integration of interdisciplinary, non-adversarial, nontraditional, creative, collaborative, and psychologically-beneficial legal experiences.
Imagine the implications for courtroom exchanges during courtroom testimony:
"Objection, your honor.""What's your objection?"
"Contrary to sound social policy."
Posted by Tom at 5:20 AM | Comments (1) |